Mixing Signals

It’s happened more than once. I play with someone and come away from it thinking I did a crap job only to find out later that it wasn’t so crap after all. It usually leaves me thinking, “Really?” This is especially true when I’m told I’m “good at” something whether it’s spanking, caning, flogging, strapping or scolding. I can’t help but be surprised about it especially if after the scene I feel I didn’t do such a hot job.

Whether it comes from insecurity or just interpreting a signal incorrectly, I tend to be surprised when something I’ve done works for someone else especially if I was just winging it. Normally when I play, I’m just doing whatever comes to mind at that moment within the framework of the scene. I rarely plan this many minutes spanking followed by that many strokes of the cane with this level of scolding – I just do what pops into my head as I’m going along. Because of this reason, I tend to not be 100% sure if what I’m doing is good or bad for the other person until I ask them afterwards. Flying by the seat of my pants when I play makes it difficult sometimes to gauge how the overall scene is going. If I’m disciplining someone, I’m trying to concentrate on what I’m doing and hopefully the other person is getting into their own headspace at the same time. It isn’t until after the scene that I start wondering whether I was good or not.

All of these feeling of doubt are pretty much self-inflicted. Sadly, it comes with being somewhat neurotic about everything.

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2 Responses to “Mixing Signals”

  1. I’ve been feeling a bit like that lately too. Like I’ve lost my mojo. I hope its just a phase for me. I’m sure you are just underestimating your mad skillz Rad. lol.

  2. Rad,
    As a spankee, I do the same thing. I just go with the scene and evaluate it later. Safe words protect you from total disaster, so it is all okay in the end.
    Maryann

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