That Mainstream Thing

I can’t tell you how many times I hear spankos excitedly state that they saw some spanking reference on TV or in a movie and that “definitely” means we’re going mainstream. Yeeeaaahhh…no.

I have no doubt in my mind that Hollywood is full of spankos and kinksters of all stripes. I’ve heard rumors (and more than rumors) about Hugh Grant and his former love interest Liz Hurley, Angelina Jolie David E. Kelley and presumably his wife Michelle Pfeiffer, all the way back to people like Ava Gardner and Marilyn Monroe. This is especially true in recent times of writer/TV producer David E. Kelley. Watching his shows (Ally McBeal through Boston Legal) is just a matter of waiting for the spanking references to pop up. I have no doubt in my mind that he’s an avowed spanko and uses his platform as a writer to sneak in the occasional mention of spanking as a wink-and-nod to people like him…and us. You also see spanking or kinkiness crop up in other shows or in movies more and more these days, making a person who is attuned take immediate notice.

However, there’s a big difference between the aforementioned “wink” from a fellow traveller and the idea that somehow our kink is becomming mainstream. I’ll just flat out say that it is not. Yes, more and more people who are already kinky are getting comfortable speaking about it or expressing their desires. Yes, there are more outlets for people to express themselves like this blog or video production companies. But that’s a big difference from being accepted by a society at large, especially American society, which continues to be conservative in so many ways especially about sexual matters. I truly wish that were not true but it sadly is.

I have a very close friend, my ex, actually, who is the only vanilla person I know that knows about my kinkiness. She has already been “indoctrinated” by knowing certain things about spanking and related topics yet she has no desire to hear me speak about what I do even if it’s in a general way. It makes her uncomfortable for whatever reason. I believe this is the reaction that most people have who are vanilla when they hear about it. Look how it has to be presented on TV for it to remotely be acceptible for the censors or the viewing audience – it has to be done for laughs. Why? Because the only way that people who are uncomfortable with something are able to cope in a way other than revulsion is to snicker at what they consider silly. Certainly a more benign way of dealing with things than ostracizing people or harming them because they are “other”.

That said, I wish it were true but I fear it is not. Although I put myself at some risk writing this blog, I really have no expectation that I’m in any way “mainstream” and would rather keep the knowledge of my kinkiness away from the eyes and ears of vanillas.


7 Responses to “That Mainstream Thing”

  1. Joel and I must be an anomaly in that we don’t go nutty crazy when spanking gets a shout out either in a TV show or movie or song. Yeah, it’s a blip on the radar. Something to know there are more of us out there, but that is about all.

    There are ‘nilla voyeurs, I’m sure that like to marvel at all things kinky and then say “oh they are sooooooo weird”. There are regular plain old nilla folks that have no idea what is out there. Oblivious and not open minded at all. I’m sure that some find the glimmer of kink offensive. So be it. Why cast pearls before swine? Why poke a tiger in the eye?

    I admit I’ve gone more pervy since I turned spanko. I watch The L Word to check out the lesbian sex scenes. I watch Cat House on HBO and marvel that men can plop down that kind of money for sex (for an hour). I occasionally stop on a bad porn movie just to be amazed by fake boobs.

    On the other hand, there are times when I see stuff that just turns my stomach (any implied or shown violence or sexual abuse of kids, for example). Some stuff isn’t main stream and never should be.

    I am now officially rambling (it’s been awhile since I’ve done that). I’m just in favor of keeping spanking for those who really are into it.

    Don’t forget about the time change!

  2. Vanilla people for the most part don’t get it at all. i have a play friend who is very vanilla. I think he wanted to spank me…but it does nothing for him so it would do nothing for me and I told him not to worry about it. I shared pics with him of my recent caning and his only response was “holy shit”. Then he wanted to know what it did for me. I responded with “It turns me on. Big time”. I told him there was no sexual encounter in my caning so I had to go home and masturbate. He replied (in full shock mode), “The pain must have been setting in my then!” well of course it was! hahaha. Hence my horniness. *sigh* It is very far from mainstream Rad. Great post.

  3. I have to agree, Rad. I look at my family, at some friends and co-workers and wonder “what would they say if they knew?” I think the feedback would be mostly negative, and the word silly would definitely be used.

    I’m more comfortable with my kink than I was several years ago, but that doesn’t mean the vanilla world has moved ahead with me.

    (and thanks for the reminder, Laura. I *had* forgotten)

  4. I agree that there’s no evidence spanking is becoming more mainstream. But I do think it’s important that it’s at least becoming more visible to the mainstream. Some of those folks that have no idea what’s out there aren’t so vanilla after all! Who knows which mainstream media trigger will get them to try it out?

    I’m out to a handful of good friends. None of them have had negative reactions, and all of them are least supportive of my exploring something that is so much a part of who I am. Some seem a bit uncomfortable with the details, while others are curious and amused. I find it hard to predict which friends will react one way or the other.

  5. I agree with Laura says. for the most part, and find it both strange and spontaneous when I come out to others.

    I almost came out to my brother a couple of months ago when I showed him some stories and he did not question or reject me. I’m sure that, like our mother, he just sees me as some kind of “weirdo.”

  6. I’m happier keeping this as secret as possible – it’s more fun to me that nobody knows.

    I don’t care what the world at large knows or does. My only problem is figuring out the right way to find a discrete partner.

  7. Agreed. It isn’t mainstream at all! People watch stuff and they think its funny or very Hollywood…or that is just for kinky people. They don’t really get the whole thing. I mean yeah it is a turn on a huge one…but it is that and so much more. I have tried talking to two vanilla people and it was the two biggest mistakes in my life.

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