The Personality Clash

Any community is going to have its share of this but let’s be reasonable.

I’ll start with a little story. A few years ago, I was involved in a somewhat major personality clash at my job. It was one of those things where the boss sits you down and asks you whether you can get along with someone or not. I simply said that over the years, there have been people I’ve worked with rather closely that I’ve absolutely despised but they have not known it. Why? Because I kept that stuff to myself and did my job. I didn’t need to make a show out of my dislike for these people but simply go about my daily duties trying to avoid them as much as possible.

The scene is full of these sorts of incidents and issues – people who just do not like someone for a variety of reasons. In a small community like ours, it sometimes is unavoidable that we’ll run into the same people many times over and go to places where these people we don’t like also go.

I think it’s important to try to come to terms about why we don’t like someone and if the reason is more important than swallowing our dislike and being civil. Most of the time it’s just that someone gets under your skin because of a personality quirk of theirs. They talk too much or are a little more gung-ho than you’d care for. There are a number of Tops that come across as too agressive to me, people who act as if they are King Top and all the bottoms should be lined up to play with them. I smile and nod when I talk to them but try to ignore their “performances” because it’s easier than getting worked up over foolishness.

I’m not saying there are not people who a person has a legitimate reason to dislike. But the fact is that if they have behaved in a bad way towards more than one person, they will find that no one wants to be near them – if it’s just you, then I’m not sure what can be done besides going out of your way to avoid them yourself.

Personally, I’m against arbitrary banning of people unless their behavior is obviously dangerous towards other people. If I just don’t like someone because I’m peeved then that’s a pretty piss poor reason to decide to ostracize them. One of the worst reasons is because of someone’s personal life. For example, if Person A is having an affair with Person B and both or one of them are married, I really don’t give a shit because it does not affect me one bit. If someone is rumored to be a lurker, starer or pocket pool player, it’s not my problem unless they get in my way. I’m really good at ignoring people when I want really want to and not being able to tell someone “no” or “get away from me” should not be the reason for passing the buck and having someone else do your rejections for you.

Thank you for your time and please allow me not to get off my soapbox.


5 Responses to “The Personality Clash”

  1. MrCommenter Says:

    The Studio 54 method was the best, then – VERY selective, and unfair. The problem here, again, is that there just aren’t thousands of people trying to get into the club. Almost anyone can get in, and seems to. Is that why you travel all over the country to parties?

    Which places have the best crowds, and why?

  2. MrC: “Best crowds” is a loaded term. Shadow Lane has the largest crowd and provides more opportunities. FMS had a large crowd (though smaller than SL) but had a more laid-back feel. Paddles is the most diverse because you get all the fetishes thrown into the mix.

  3. Rad, I thought that what you said was very well put.

    I’ve always admired your posts for their obvious authenticity and intelligence (I’m not just saying that to curry favor).

    I have no idea whether I fall into the category of people you dislike or wish to avoid, but I know what that experience is like, and I believe that people who jump on the bandwagon to ostracize someone because they don’t approve of their lifestyle (like your example of person A and person B); one can disapprove internally, but when a whole bunch of people get together to ostracize someone, it seems to me that it is rather selfish, petty and hypocritical.

  4. My opinion of people is often based on how they treat me and people close to me. I can’t abide overt rudeness or lack of propriety. For example, if a person had an issue with me, I would expect them to address it privately rather than attempt to embarrass me in front of others. A person who would embarrass me is someone I have little use for.

  5. I hope that is something I have not done, and if so it would likely have been inadvertent. I still have a lot to learn about the scene and etiquette. I’d like to get to know people and give others a chance to get to know me.

    I’ll admit I’ve made some serious mistakes in the past, and I’m still dealing with that, and naturally I would expect that some people might be inclined to hold me in negative judgment. I just hope that others will grant me a mostly clean slate and chalk up my gaffes to inexperience and personal pain.

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