Conversational Styles

Some people are very focused and others not so much.

I fall under the “not so much” category. When I’m on a forum, in chat or talking to someone in person, I tend not to zero in on spanko topics or just go ahead with spanking talk. It’s a personal choice and not meant as a criticism of people who do. It’s just that my comfort zone in the spanking community is to be myself and have regular, every day conversations with people that might, maybe, morph to the subject of spanking. It’s a function of my own personality that I tend to want to know people and learn something about them before I even consider any kinky talk.

I see people all the time that can pop into spanko mode at the drop of a hat with people they’ve just met. I have a certain admiration for this because it is something I cannot do. When I’m in a chat room, for example, people will come in and immediately jump into spanking related conversations complete with bratting and spanking threats flying all over the place. These folks are obviously more comfortable with “play talk” than I am and use it in the same way I use my mundane conversations – to get to know people.

Perhaps their way is better because it is more direct. My inability to really deal with bratting hinders me, I think, because I’m too uncomfortable to be playful in a spanko way. Then again, I can only do what I am comfortable doing which is pretty much having the normal albeit often surreal conversations I have with people. I can usually gauge how things will go based upon the reception of my sense of humor. If a person “gets” it, then things will probably go well. If they repeatedly blink with that “Quoi” look on their faces then I pretty much know that morphing into kinky talk will not eventually happen.


11 Responses to “Conversational Styles”

  1. MrCommenter Says:

    I was visiting a chatroom this week, and I observed somebody virtually chased off by the brats because he had accused them of dominating the conversation.

    I guess that the brats need to be empowered, and have certain places where they can demonstrate it publicly. Tolerating their chat is probably a fair trade for the gift they offer.

  2. I suppose you are correct. I’m a firm believer that if a situation is not within my comfort level, I simply walk away.

  3. I always felt a tiny bit of relief when I saw you in the SL chat, because I knew you were one of the people who would talk to me about anything under the sun except spanking. I don’t mind talking about spanking in general, likes, dislikes, etc… But, just as bratting can get to be too much, getting hit on with “top talk”, especially when you’re not doing anything to warrent it, is wearying.

    I’m the same way at parties too, preferring to take a little time to get to know someone on a friendly vanilla level before jumping into spanking. Sure, I tend to play a little less, but I appreciate the play so much more when it is with someone that took the time to get to know me a little more.

    But, everyone is different, and these are just my comfort levels and what works for me. 🙂

  4. I can “brat” and have done so in chat rooms,on certain sites and at parties. Often, it’s a fun, playful way to get attention, to let a Top know you’re feeling playful or just joke around with the ‘girls’. Having said that, there are times that the bratting makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes in a chat room, a group will start a high speed brat session, complete with lots of inside jokes that pretty much leaves everyone else in the room out of the conversation. I then start to worry about the ones not in the “know” about the jokes or the tops who might not be comfortable with the force of the group. Sometimes I’ll try to include them and sometimes I just go quiet. There are times when I’m just too tired or lazy to try and keep up with what is going on and would rather have a slower, more meaningful conversation. I’m not saying that this is wrong. Sometimes, if I’m up for it, a high speed brat session is lots of fun and kind of clears away the frustrations of daily life.

    Rad, I don’t think that your style is right or wrong. It is just your style and what works for you. Trying to make yourself enjoy bratting would probably be difficult, if not impossible. That just isn’t you. What I see from your writing and comments in chat rooms is a guy with a wicked sense of humor, slighly quirky, who has a wonderful way of addressing issues and bringing up topics that make me think, learn, and stay involved. I’ve not posted here before but do enjoy reading your blog. I almost responded to your “I need to role play soon” blog the other day because I was feeling very much the same way. When in role play, I can play the brat to Daddy, teacher, boss and have a wonderful time.

  5. Sue: I especially like seeing you at spanking events because I enjoy our sarcastic and snarky banter. It’s almost like we’re bratting each other except not as annoying.

    sass: I know you’re right about comfort levels and being satisfied with one’s own. I just envy those that can play around like that at the drop of a hat because I can’t. Also, feel free to comment here as the mood strikes.

  6. Totally agree with you about chat-room bratting. Some playful teasing now and again, sure… that’s fine and can certainly be fun. But the outright bratting… and then to do it almost endlessly… come on. You do realize I can spank through the computer screen, yes?

    Best word to describe how I feel about it is… silly!

    What I enjoy is a free flowing conversation that is 100% open to spanking topics, but easily flows anywhere and everywhere else. Talked with a “spanko friend” for close to two hours last night. Not a word about spanking. Talked about haircuts, the real estate market, baseball, Palin’s clothes, guitars, kids, school, dogs… etc-etc. No spanking though. Of course, a few nights before that a 90ish minute chat was almost exclusively about spanking.

    I like that… and no… it doesn’t happen if she “brats” me nonstop.


  7. Sue and I are on the same wavelength about a lot of stuff in the world of spanking. I’m a person first. Being a bottom is about 5th or 6th on the list. Maybe even 10th, if I think hard enough about that.

    The more you know and get to know a potential play partner, the more you know what you will probably get out of a scene. No, it doesn’t always work like this… but quite often it does.

    Sue and Rad? Snarky? No way!

  8. Agree with what lots of people have said, and, another point — if someone chats incessantly about spanking and hardly anything else, it feels kind of creepy. Like, all they’re thinking about is getting off on the conversation. (okay, not that there’s anything wrong with that once in a while!)

  9. In general, I think I prefer free-flowing chats to those that have topics that are adhered to just a little too rigidly. What really matters to me, though, whatever the format of the chat, is getting to know the other people– their sense of humor, their take on various spanking and related activities, their outside interests– anything that lets us see the person behind name on the screen. As I was coming out to myself about spanking, it made a huge difference to “meet” people on-line whose company I would really enjoy even if we didn’t have spanking in common.

    If the people are interesting, I haven’t minded being on the outside. Now, though, I just ask if I don’t understand what everybody’s talking about. Having said that, I think it’s much easier for a female bottom to be included in the conversation than it is for a male top. Especially if there’s lot of bratting going on, and the unwritten rules make it unattractive for a guy nobody knows to threaten everybody with the inevitable outcome.

  10. Oh, and I’m totally with Sue re having Rad on SL chat– at least you know there will be things to laugh about even if the topic-related discussion turns out to be lame!

  11. LOL, Rad and Laura….well, there goes my carefully crafted “Sweet Sue” image! 😉

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