Out Of Reasons

I’ve tried to explain my kinks and the reasons engage in them. On more than one occasion, I’ve tried to put into words what it all “means” to me. Don’t know if I want to do that anymore.

It took me a little while to discover the flavor of the spanking kink that I most respond to (Discipline/Punishment) and now that I have it’s made for many very satisfying experiences. Having tried to explain why I like what I like and the compulsion that makes me seek it out, I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I have no explanation nor do I want to have one.

I do what I do because I’m having fun doing it. That’s it. Perhaps there’s a “need” somewhere in me to explore discipline scenes with a variety of people but the fact that I enjoy it is enough for me right now. You see, I’m a person that’s pared away a lot of the what I consider BS in life. Yes, there probably are metaphysical, psychological or simply personal reasons why I pursue activities in the spanking community. Perhaps there is a Platonic ideal of what I’m doing somewhere that I will never reach – a sort of spanking Nirvana that will not be achieved. Frankly, I just don’t care.

I’m having a good time right now engaging in these activities. I like doing disciplinary scenes because they turn me on. I’m sure if I sat down and thought really hard about it, I could come up with a whole long thesis on why my desires manifest themselves this way but I really don’t care to do that. That sort of exercise puts way too much importance on a fraction of my life experiences that I don’t care to elevate. As a matter of fact, I generally don’t elevate much to that level. It’s enough for me that what I’m doing is enjoyable and that I am having a good time both meeting people and playing. On some level there may be an “itch” that I am scratching but the doing is what interests me, not the impetus.

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6 Responses to “Out Of Reasons”

  1. This isn’t the beginning of a blog goodbye, is it?

    I’ve had moments where my introspection starts chasing its tail and I generally come to the conclusion that I might or might not know the why of things, and maybe I might not even care, but sometimes mucking around in the metaphysical and psychological is a whole itch in itself.

    And sometimes it’s not.

  2. caroline: Nah, I don’t do GBCW (Goodbye Cruel World) posts.

  3. I thought the same thing as Caroline, Rad, and I’m glad we were both incorrect.

    I stopped asking myself “why?” a while ago. I think it’s a matter of being hard-wired, and trying to reason it out doesn’t really change anything. Maybe the more comfortable I got with being a spanko, the less I needed to explain it to myself. I am, and that’s all.

  4. Why do we have to explain? We are what we are. I meet with someone about 6 times or so a year, and have to tell vanilla hubby where I am…so, I just tell him – Hey! I have a “Spanking Day” coming up! He laughs and makes (fond) fun of me, because he truly doesn’t understand – but what’s important is that he lets me be me. I figure anyone who doesn’t understand or wants to judge me isn’t someone I want in my life long term.

  5. As someone who just recently is figuring this all out…..I like exploring the reasons. BUT – knowing the reasons and giving a shit about them are two different things….haha. I love getting spanked. It turns me on…it does something to me mentally…and it makes me smile. A lot. That’s reason enough for me. I’m glad you love it too and I hope it makes you smile. This world is so tough…we all need our kinks….and thank god we have a community that understands that.

  6. To all above: It’s not that I feel the need to explain to anyone about why I like what I like – I certainly don’t feel put upon by people. The fact is that I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t feel the need to gaze at my navel that much. I’m finally content with enjoying my kink the way I enjoy it with no need to qualify it for myself or anyone else.

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