Looking For Someone

Everyone is looking for something and/or someone. Some folks are aware enough to know what it is they want, articulate it and make it happen.

I am the first to admit that I’ve been extremely lucky. I never expected to enter the scene and then almost instantly connect with the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Our two lives intersected in the right place at the right time to make it all happen. We were both single, both looking, both kinky in similar ways and both willing to open ourselves up to another person. However, looking for a prospective relationship is only one way that people connect in the scene.

Sandy and I also like to play with people outside of our relationship just to experience and enjoy the differences that a person gets playing with a variety of individuals. For my part, I’m always interested in playing with people that I can feel I’m disciplining but who each provide a slightly different “feel” to the scenario we are engaged in. Each person gives me a different headspace and that’s something that keeps me going back for more – the variety. Although discipline is my thing, everyone I play with is different enough to keep things more than interesting.

The thing is that I know what it is that I want out of an experience. I like what I like and am willing to seek it out because it scratches an itch and is fun. It took me a while to hone what it is that I like to do enough to be able to put it in a succinct way but now that I have, it is easier to find the right sort of experience.

Because things are so insulated for me inside of my bubble of satisfaction I sometimes wonder if other folks find it easy or hard to get what it is they are looking for. I hear from some folks that it’s difficult for them to connect with folks that provide what they want but I’m not sure if those are isolated cases or if that’s a condition that’s more prevalent in the overall scene.


6 Responses to “Looking For Someone”

  1. I’m sure it must be a pretty common thing. It’s hard in the vanilla world to find that certain connection. Throw in kink needs and it’s that much harder.

    How many people though are in that ‘bubble of satisfaction’… yet still active in the spanking scene? We’re certainly out here, but the numbers are reduced. I’ve known several people that enjoyed playing with others, but then once married… drifted out of the scene strictly because their spouse wanted it that way.

    So, all those looking to connect are still out their looking… so we see them. A decent chunk that are no longer looking for a life-partner… aren’t seen at all. They don’t participate in the scene, nevermind look for other play partners. That certainly must distort the numbers.


  2. I think location can be a factor as well. Unless you are able and/or willing to travel, you may be somewhat out of luck. For instance, in a small Alabama town like the one I live in, your chances of ever meeting ANY other spanko, much less a potential partner are very slim. The area is extremely conservative, there are few places to meet other people in pretty much any capacity, and definitely no spanking “scene” or clubs or parties to speak of.

  3. I want people to know that I really do appreciate my good fortune. Living in NYC certainly did make things a little easier but I was just glad to have the opportunity.

  4. carolinegrey Says:

    Both F. and I realize how stunningly lucky we were to meet the way we did. In fact, for me, it was my very first spanking party. Ever. I also realize how lucky I was to find my (spanky!) life partner at such an early age…I was 24, and I know there are people 30 years older than me still looking… I’ve gotten to see several deep and loving relationships develop between people in that age bracket who had to be so patient and are now so happy. I don’t know that I could have hung on that long…it’s more than likely I would have gone vanilla and been one of those people that disappear.

    Another amazing thing is that because I had just come out into the scene, I really had no way of articulating what I wanted or needed. But I met F. and I just knew that he had it.

    And travel is a huge part of the equation. When I met F. he was actually living an ocean away. If he hadn’t been able to travel that fall, we’d both be out of luck.

    This might all sound like gloating…it’s not. It’s just that I never forget that my situation is rare and fortunate, and I’m so, so grateful.

    And yesterday was the anniversary of the first time he spanked me. Aww!

  5. Rad,

    Nice blog. You got me thinking this morning (a real accomplishment, I have played two late hockey games the past two nights and one cup of coffee has barely done its deed this morning.)

    I have been a very lucky man in life.

    I grew up in a family where most of the basics were there. The one thing that could have been there more was some family hugs and congratulations , but even there, I had two wonderful grandmothers who hugged.

    Dating was not my favorite phase. I still do not understand the part of it where you basically put on a good face and let hormones fly. Fortunately, I lucked into finding a wonderful and beautiful partner and we have adjusted to each other and basically love each other more now than ever. It will be 40 years of knowing each other next Fall. Many of you saw us dance an anniversary dance in Vegas last Labor Day Weekend.

    The part many did not know was that my wife got breast cancer in 1991 and it changed us both tremendously. A sick wife or sick kid can quickly focus one’s priorities. Many people now are reacting to lack of money, and that is important, but lack of health is worse. You decide what in life is significant and everything else be damned.

    For me, following this odd interest of ours, and making it manifest, is what made me a far more confident and happy person. Now, I have a political bent and at one time worried what would happen if I ran for office, and the news came out that I was a spanker, or even worse, a spankee.

    Now, looking back on it, I came to the selfish conclusion that I would much rather come out in a scene and meet like-minded people and do the fun things that I have always wanted to do, than follow political goals. I have been able to do what I want to make things better for people in my work and in my community without becoming the political face of that type of activity.

    The rewards I have gotten from joining the spanking crowd have made me rich in my soul if anyone understands what I mean. Sure, I have also gotten my lusty interests well taken care of. I have learned that almost every woman worries about her beauty and almost none of them who have that worry have anything to fear. In my wildest imagination, I never thought I would be able to spank so many spectacular women and how those spankings would be such wonderful bonding experiences for both of us, not just one person getting something erotic out of it.

    Anyhow, before this becomes a book, my point is that I never imagined that in looking for some fun in spanking that what would be more important than the physical act is the sharing of other people’s lives that our scene activities involve. Your wife, Sandy, was an adorable and fun person as a single girl, but I always hoped that she would find the right kind of guy. It gave me incredible pleasure to see her meet her mate in life and attend your wedding.

    but she still has plenty of spankings coming from me for her continuing misbehavior. I hope she never grows up and learns to behave.

    Warmest regards,

    Brad D.

  6. Excellent, thoughtful blogging as always. This blog has a truly unique voice, and is one of the best blogs I have seen.

    Anyway, you are definitely fortunate, not lucky, as you really make your own luck in this world. And as you said, you know what you want.

    I do think a lot of people are perhaps NOT quite sure what they are on a quest for/seeking/searching, both in this fetish, in vanilla relationships, in life in general, with their job, etc.

    So if you don’t know exactly what you want, how are you going to know when you find it? What am I looking for? Hmm….Let me give that some more thought! 🙂


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