OTK Night At Paddles Tonight

Another first of the month, another OTK Night. We’re going although I’m at the very tail end of a cold – the annoying part when you’re not really sick anymore but are still getting over the symptoms. But who cares? I’m loaded up with over-the-counter what nots, where to fores and howzits plus got a full night of sleep so that should do me just fine.

I hate not having energy because it really eats away at my desire to do anything including play. My job often sucks the life from me so that when I get home, I feel mentally beaten up. It’s all I can do to help make dinner, eat it and then sit down to read my daily news stories. If I’m feeling spry, I play a few casual games online (or on my PSP) – using a mouse or my thumbs is about all the energy I have. Perhaps I could figure out a way to just spank with my thumbs…

These are times that try my soul because I feel like a failure as a Top and as a partner. I keep thinking that I should suck it up and do things even if I’m not feeling it. It’s very difficult because the guilt monster of my youth starts creeping in on me and making me feel worse than I do. The trouble is that if I don’t feel like playing, I mean really feel the urge or desire; I just don’t want to fake it. I know it might be the nice thing to do but it feels like an empty exercise.

That said, Sandy and I do have a tight relationship where we feel free to talk to each other about anything including what’s bothering us. Yes, sometimes we hem and haw about it before coming out with it but eventually it does get aired. If I had to say what was the one thing that I love about our relationship it’s the honesty and the comfortable atmosphere to be able to be honest with each other. I don’t hold grudges especially towards those who are close to me. I’m a negotiator by nature – for me there’s always a middle ground that both parties can agree on. Maybe it’s my ethnicity – my father would always tell me that “our people” were good hagglers. The goal is to make both sides think they are winning and between Sandy and me, that’s the only way I would have it.

So, we’ll be at Paddles tonight where I will have enough energy to attend to Sandy and a few others if they are so willing.

Peace.

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5 Responses to “OTK Night At Paddles Tonight”

  1. Victoreally Says:

    I went to the site. What do they do with all the racks and cages on OTK night?

  2. A compromise that comes to mind is that the couple go to OTK night, she plays because that is where her energy is, and he chats and visits and keeps it low key because that is where his energy is. Is there an obligation to play even if you aren’t feeling it? Not that you need my help to reach a compromise or anything, but the thought immediately came to mind so I figured I’d share.

  3. I’ve been recovering from MY cold as well, so I don’t know where my energy will be tonight, either. But I feel like it would do me good to play, so I hope to. At the very least, I will be socializing.

  4. Victoreally: The cages are seen and not used but the other furniture is quite usable – a rack can double as a nice place for a face down strapping.

  5. dawna: There are times I’ve gone to Paddles or a party and not played because I just didn’t feel like it. I suspect I’ll get up to speed once I arrive.

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