What Gets Under Your Skin?

Besides me (beat you to it). People who know me know that I have like a bajillion pet peeves. Only the tip of the iceberg ever appears because the majority are just too bizarre to mention and are not scene related.

I rant and rave all the time about these things that it makes me curious what scene related pet peeves other folks have. So I’m asking. Try to make it a good one, too – not something so common.

I’ll start it off: It’s not a big deal to me but sometimes all the hugging gets a bit much. I’m not prone to being too touchy feely and occasionally the hugging that goes on in the spanking community overwhelms me a bit. It’s not the worst thing in the world but I’ll sometimes think as it’s happening, “Geez…more hugging?” It’s not the end of the world to hug (and certainly does not rise to the level of the thing I have about ketchup and eggs) but there it is.

Anyone?

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24 Responses to “What Gets Under Your Skin?”

  1. Rad I have to agree with the hugging thing. I do not mind when it is someone I have known for a while but when I first meet someone I am not comfortable with hugging them.
    One other thing is when a person puts out to much information on a BB or in chat. I go into BB and chat for the fun of it not to hear about or read about a persons issues. See a Doctor. I really do not need to know that much about someone I do not know. There are more but I will stop here. Have a great day!! Kiss kiss have a happy!!

  2. I agree with Kathy on the too much personal info stuff on bulletin boards. I don’t need to know, in the first week someone new joins a group, all about his/her addiction recovery and struggles with tourette’s syndrome. My good nature does have boundaries.

    MY pet peeves. Hm.
    1. When people talk about spanking vs. “the BDSM crowd,” as if that meant one thing. BDSM encompasses many things including spanking. I get the idea most of the time that they’re talking about those who use rituals, like collaring or certain protocols, or those who have master/slave relationships.

    2. Tops who don’t act toppy, who are insecure and needy. I know some are just shy, but that’s different. Give me a little arrogance.

    3. The Whartenburg Wheel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wartenberg_wheel). Some bottoms rave about this thing. I think it is absolute torture.

    Oh, I’ll think of more later, I’m sure.

  3. Agree with Sandy about insecure tops.

    Constant references to us spankos as a family. I have a family. I surely do not need another. But, you’ve all heard me rant about singing Kumbiya already.

    Expectations to call tops/dommes/doms/ as Mr or Master or Sir. It maybe Mary’s Mr John, but he isn’t mine.

    People who think typing ‘butt’ instead of but is the most clever thing ever.

    That every butt swat on TV or in the movies is considered more proof that we are coming out into the mainstream.

  4. So far I find myself nodding at the things being mentioned above. I have to make a special note of Laura’s remark about calling people by a title rather than a name outside of a play situation. If someone goes by the name Master Frankie, I’m not calling them “master” – no way. They’ll get a “What’s shakin’, Frankie?” instead.

  5. Oh. A special note!

    I guess being a bottom, some may think that out of protocol (or some sense of… propriety)I would/should refer to Frankie as Master. It is just not going to happen.

  6. Laura: As a Top, I often am introduced to someone else’s Top/Dom by that person’s bottom/sub and it’s usually by title. I don’t care if someone calls their Top Mister John – I’m not doing it.

  7. I was just moaning about the touchy-feely huggy thing, but I honestly think it’s more my problem than theirs because I just am really uncomfortable with hugging and casual touchy stuff. I do think there are lots of people who go overboard with the hugging stuff though.

    Pet peeves…I have a billion of them! I was just whining about Drama Queens because they irk they heck out of me.

    I’m also not into the title thing. Titles also make me uncomfortable (I think it’s because of the whole concept of them being better than me). If I had a top I wouldn’t call him Sir and I’m certainly not calling a complete stranger it. It’s presumptuous to just assume that I’d be OK calling someone by a title because I happen to be a spankee and it’s presumptuous for a top to think it’s his right to use a title. (sure some people like that stuff, but not everyone does…so find out first before demanding it!)

    It also really irks me when people just assume if you are a spankee that you are into discipline. I’ve ran into that a lot. Then they look at you like you have 3 heads when you say you don’t need, want or desire a disciplinarian.

    And I really really really HATE the W/we, U/us thing….it drives me bonkers. I don’t even read stuff that uses that because it just bugs me so much.

  8. iggy: As an aside, I generally don’t like the thing with capital and lowercase letters – for example, Top and bottom. I do it because people have gotten used to it.

  9. I’m used to “Top and bottom” being done that way and it doesn’t really bother me. But the W/we, O/our, U/us thing I totally can’t stand!

    I’m so curmudgeony! I would totally suck in the wider BDSM world.

  10. iggy: I’m just too lazy and forgetful to go through all that protocol. It’s tiring, too.

  11. Protocol. That is another thing. Which is why I stay happily in the spanking realm. I’d really be a rotten submissive.

  12. I’d make a shitty Dom – I just don’t have the attention for it. Spanking is good enough for me.

  13. Darn – I’m in the minority on this one.

  14. AND…you (Rad) do NOT get under my skin (unless you mean that in the good way…lol).

  15. carolinegrey Says:

    I get very very uncomfortable and annoyed when I’m with a group of people trading spanking stories and people start talking about their little public spanking moments. A tame example: “I just said to the waitress, ‘excuse me while I take this naughty young lady outside for a spanking’ and oh my, you should have seen her face, she blushed so hard, she didn’t know where to look” etc, etc, etc. I have heard so many variations on this theme from people all over the world, and every single time I wince. There is a glee in exhibitionism that a part of me feels prudish for decrying, but there’s also an element of non-consentuality that sets my teeth on edge. The young service person (and it’s always, always a pretty girl) is drawn into a sexualized scene, in her place of work, that she never asked to be a part of. I am getting mad just thinking about it.

    This is related, but I get very uncomfortable in a group of spankos who think it’s hilarious to talk loudly about spanking in public places. I understand the thrill they are getting, but for those of us who don’t enjoy having our private fetishes exposed to random vanilla passersby, it’s excruciatingly uncomfortable.

    I must sound like a prissy old lady here, but these are the two things I’ve come across in nearly every group, and they are massive pet peeves.

  16. carolinegrey: Public displays amongst vanillas also rubs me the wrong way. Thanks for bringing that up – I had forgotten about that one.

  17. I have a question what does the O/our even mean. I see it all the time and I don’t get it. Sorry for the stupid question. Also I agree with carolinegrey about talking in public it makes me uncomfortable as well. I have left the table a few times when it has happend. It is not fair to the people working for the people within ear shoot.

  18. Since a lower-case slave must always be referred to in lower case and the upper-case Dom always in upper case, when said slave refers to them both in the same sentence, it would (obviously) be insulting to write “our” in lower case when referring to a higher being. Yet, you cannot write “Our” in upper case since the slave, as part of that collective pronoun, is a lower-case being. The middle-case “O” does not exist in the English language (although, W/we COULD [I mean COULD/could] also turn small caps on, which might work well in such cases). i (not I? – am I/i writing as a Top or a bottom today?) think it is amusing but, seriously, when Y/you can type as fast as I/i, the number of times O/one must backspace to change “You” to “you,” “I” to “i” and “we” to “W/we” (is that pronounced “wee-wee”?) is mind-boggling to U/us A/all.

  19. I tend to “hear” the W/we stuff as a stutter when I try to read it so it’s very distracting. W-we…..O-our etc. Just reads in a very stilted fashion for me. Annoying. I do however tend to capitalize Top and bottom for some reason, and I tend to do the same with people. For instance: iggy, munchkin, ginger vs Zed, Richard, and Radagast. Not sure why, just habit I guess. I don’t do lower case *I* or anything though.

    Hugging is not something that comes naturally to me unless it is someone I am very close to, and it’s something that used to really bother me when someone not well known would hug me. However, I spent several years working with children and adults with various disabilities and now work with the geriatric population. In Alabama that translates to lots of hugging whether you like it or not. So I kind of just got used to it. As far as with spanking, I guess I heard at some point it’s the polite thing to do, and I want to show my appreciation, though it’s not really all that comfortable. Just what you are “supposed” to do I guess, so I do it. It’s just sort of awkard I think unless it’s someone I feel more close to.

    I don’t like when a Top I just met or am being introduced to starts trying to “Top” me right off the bat. I am not automatically role playing with someone just because I am a bottom and they are a Top. Now don’t get me wrong, I love hearing “young lady” or “you need a spanking” etc…..but not in the first sentence or two I hear from someone. Like they are trying to get all the buzzwords in in the first 30 seconds or something. If a conversation kind of naturally goes in that direction after some general chatting in a comfortable way, and we’re just being a bit silly that’s one thing. But not coming across as “hi, lemme spank you.”

  20. Wednesday Says:

    Someone assuming their protocol is your protocol (or that you even have a protocol). This starts with being expected to call someone “Grand Master Lord High Poohbah Sir Twelve Inch,” and gets even more annoying when folks start to order your bottom partner around (or start to order *you* around just because you decided to bottom in the dungeon once).

    Domly Doms are fine, but Domly Doms who publicly communicate the message that their way is the only way are really annoying. That is a sign of insecurity, not confidence IMHO.

  21. Wednesday Says:

    Ketchup and eggs?

  22. Yes…the smell of ketchup and eggs together nauseates me. I have gotten better about french fries substituting for home fries if they don’t have any.

  23. My biggest pet peeve has nothing to do with the scene, and that’s people chewing with their mouths open…my second is also not scene related. It’s when people don’t answer questions quickly and they say “well, you know” and “Hmm well, you see” a lot. It bugs the crap out of me.

    Scene related pet peeves? School girl outfits. They just get so boring and cliche after a while. Also, the assumption that simply because I am a bottom, that I want to bottom to every top. And I hate it when female tops assume I want to play with them because I am young and a bottom, as if I am only comfortable with women.

    That’s what gets under my skin.

  24. Kate: I deleted the double comment.

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