Where Praise Is Due

Sandy and I are off to Northern California today for a long planned vacation. We’ll be away for about nine days but I’m taking the laptop with me so Radspace will still be buzzing along. Read on for today’s installment.

I don’t take compliments well nor accept praise with anything but embarrassment. I am cognizant of my abilities, though. I am very good at my job and know that I have a knack and talent for creatively massaging pieces of audio into something better. I’ve done it for nearly 20 years and have gotten pretty darned good at it.

When it comes to the spanking scene or spanking as an act, I find it difficult to qualify what I do and am surprised when I’m told that what I provided during a play session was “good”. I’m a poor judge of myself in that regard because I honestly feel as if I’m flying blind and just doing what simply comes to mind rather than it being a well thought-out plan of action. I’m literally “playing” and not just in the scene meaning of the word – I’m having fun and the way I do things is the end product of that fun.

Some of the problem I have is that I just see it all as being so subjective. It’s like one person hearing a piece of music and thinking it beautiful and another person hearing the same piece and thinking it merely noise. Subjective. One person might think my spankings are exactly what they need and another might consider them boring. Subjective. I can’t see things that have no baseline measurement as better or worse – they are just different to the person experiencing them.

Anyone else have trouble accepting compliments?


14 Responses to “Where Praise Is Due”

  1. I can take professional compliments no problem. Person things embarrass me….I hate birthdays for that reason…everyone staring at me…singing….me wondering what I should do…lol.

  2. “flying blind and just doing what simply comes to mind rather than it being a well thought-out plan of action.”

    That approach is as good a description of improvisation in jazz and acting as I’ve ever heard, and it’s my approach to doing a scene also.

  3. I’ll go with Barbie on this one. Professional stuff, taking a compliment is no big deal. Personal stuff is another thing entirely.

  4. Bummed that I’m going to miss you guys tomorrow…have a great time!

  5. I have to say compliments in most arenas are hard for me. Much more difficult personally then professionally. But even professionally it is hard.

  6. MrCommenter Says:

    I don’t see spanking as an art form. I see it as being sexual. It’s like foreplay, but not focussed on the usual areas, involving confusing and contradictory sensations, and ending without going past foreplay, nonetheless providing a very unique form of satisfaction. Like sex, it’s preferred not to be scripted, the participants don’t discuss it much before or after, and it has its share of surprises and disappointments.

    In thinking about this I now see that just as there are those who like to consider themselves to be great lovers, I can see there being those who would like to great ‘players’

    I think that a better comparison would be to sports. My guess is that since it’s so difficult to figure out what the other person wants, it’s all a matter of luck and good ‘sportsmanship’, with your true rating as a player based on an average of your perfomances.

  7. Mr Commenter….I have to disagree. As a bottom…i need to have discussions with my tops ahead of time to determine rules/expectations/limits. Some people have spanking as the only act…some people incorporate into some sort of sexual activity during and after. If these things aren’t discussed…the results would be unnecessarily disastrous. Communication is absolutely key. If I am going to let someone tie me up spread eagled…i damn sure want to know what the plan is.

  8. Grew up in Northern California… and hope you have fun in my old stomping grounds.

    As for compliments, I ~try~ to take them well. Had a bad habit of turning a compliment into a joke… where I was the butt of the joke. I work not to do that, and instead *listen* to what is being said… pause… and accept it with thanks. Have to say though, if it’s a compliment in an area I feel insecure about… that old habit is much more likely to appear.

    Hey, have a question for you. What do you think about complimenting a spankee on the way her butt looks? Talking about someone you (just) spank. Do you think it’s appropriate to say something about her backside??


  9. MrCommenter Says:

    I said “don’t discuss it much before”, I didn’t mean don’t discuss at all. That ther rules and limits are spoken about is a given, and although I implied that with the word ‘sportsmanship’, I didn’t put enough detail in.

    From a lot of what I have read here, the discussion seems to stop after setting the signals and limits. Maybe there should be something like a script meeting to prepare the minute details, and where everyone’s ready, some sot of “Action!” signal.

  10. MrCommenter: Uhm…..lol. Not even close doll.

  11. I have a bad habit of trying to deflect the compliment on someone else (ie: trying to find someone, anyone, who contributed to my success and then giving them all of the credit). I’m working on it. I’ve personally found many complimenters find it annoying or even slightly rude to have their compliment turned down. It’s sort of like having a gift rejected, it seems.

    WRT to spanking, I do kind of consider it an art form as I practice it (not that I expect everyone to think that way). I have a reasonable talent for reading people and one of the things I have ended up doing is to challenge myself to find ways of improving my ability to read people quickly via spanking/scening. Considering I work in social services it could simply be a matter of what I am “wired” to do. What we do can mean so many different things to people. I smell a blog post coming on 😉

  12. Todd: I normally will not comment on the attractiveness of someone’s bottom only because it doesn’t fit into the “disciplinary” context of what I like to do. I would only make a comment if it was someone I knew well rather than someone I had just met and played with. Of course, these are rules I set for myself only – I don’t expect anyone else to do anything other than what works for them.

  13. Mr. Commenter: I tend not to like “scripts” and prefer outlines – more room for improv within the framework.

    I’m not sure how a rating is established (if one exists) but I’ve tended to think that people have rated my own performances as entities all their own rather than compared with other folks. I think most Tops probably get rated this way.

  14. Wednesday: I agree about it being an art form in regards to reading people or picking up on their non-verbal cues. I’ve always been able to read people but have no idea why.

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