Its Ugly Head

Jealousy is a totally normal human emotion. Perhaps not a desireable one or one that makes us feel good. Just normal.

I think it’s totally understandable to feel jealous or perhaps somewhat peeved if

  1. Someone is coming on to your spouse right in your face
  2. Your spouse seems more than Interested in someone else

I’m not saying anything is going on or even will ever go on between these folks, just that there is a connection between them that’s a touch more than friendly. I have felt jealous in the past (with an occasional twinge every now and then) and I’m sure Sandy has felt the same although you’d have to ask her. For my part, I have gotten past some of the more intense jealous feelings and now actively recognize when they are cropping up and stop them before they intensify to a foolish level.

The oddest variety of jealousy, one that I’ve heard mentioned by other folks as well, is when these feelings crop up not over a spouse but over a play partner. This person might be a friend or just an acquaintance but it doesn’t make it any easier when you see them playing with others and get that little twist in your gut. You want them to be your play partner and your friend and don’t feel like sharing. Obviously, no one has the right to feel possessive about anyone – we do not possess people and guard them the way some people guard the french fries that come with their lunch. We recognize that people have their own lives and can make up their own minds and we wish them Godspeed.

I hate feeling these feelings and actively force them down. I think that sometimes I might come across as aloof or nonchalant with certain friends but to me that’s better than acting as if they are the buddy that you have to be around all the time, demanding their attention.

There’s another aspect of these feelings that I want to address – I’ll call it Exceptionalism. This is the notion that a spanking encounter had an added level of importance that was not there or that a certain play partner thinks of you as somehow more special than you are. I’m not saying that these things can’t have an added value – sometimes they do. What I’m saying is that playing with a certain person and then having that person tell you how wonderful of a time they had does not make it “special”. Thinking that way is a dangerous road to go down because often at its end lie hurt feelings.

I have play partners I enjoy playing with and encounters with them and others that I truly enjoy. However, no matter what I’m told, there is no way that I’m going to allow myself to think I am the be all and end all encounter or partner; I just won’t let myself go there. My assumption or inclination is to know, not just believe, that these folks are having many encounters that are in and of themselves special. I can accept that what I do or have with a particular person has some value but I’m not going to pull a pyramid out of thin air, put myself at the top of it and then be horrified to learn that I am not the only pinnacle to be reached. That kind of thinking is folly.

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9 Responses to “Its Ugly Head”

  1. Interesting blog Rad….not sure how i feel about it as I haven’t been in that situation. The closest I have come is the swinger club…where I get off on seeing my date play with others as he does me….I guess you are trying to say if I had a spanking encounter with someone and then in my min thought that was the best they ever had…and no other bottom could possibly compete….If that’s true…wow. My guess is that it is a self-esteem issue not based in true reality…unless the top or bottom has some other romantic relationship on top of the spanking situation. Yikes.

  2. I’ve had these feelings before. As some say, spanking can be even more intimate than sex, and it is hard not to develop some sort of attachment with your regular play partners. It doesn’t have to be the kind you have with your significant other of course – there are all kinds of liking and loving. I have friends I love but would not run off with! This is a close friendship of a different sort.

    Friends with benefits.

    Once you are able to recognize such feelings and adjust mentally to accept them for what they are, you can enjoy special relationships without staring green-eyed when that play partner goes off and has fun with someone else. Hey, you had your turn–share!

    I think this happens most commonly when we start out. Everything is so intense that it really gets to you. Once you’ve settled in, made friends, have play partners, aren’t hungry for play 24/7, it is easier to deal with any natural feelings that crop up.

    My heart is big enough to care for more than just one person. It is just a different sort of caring.

  3. Weird – I submitted a comment but it is not showing…

  4. It was picking it up as spam – this happens on occasion for no other reason than a temporary glitch. Luckily, I have full control.

  5. Dolly: I agree with everything you said. For me, the adjustment took a while (and it is still a bit of a struggle at times) but I finally “got it” and have been much happier every since.

  6. Thanks for the fix! I might not always comment, but I ALWAYS read!

    Once we figure this out, it does make for less stress and greater happiness.

  7. Jealousy with the spouse is a rare thing here, thankfully, and has become even more rare with the passage of time. But on the few occasions it has cropped up, I have been amazed at how quickly it can blindside me. No warning whatsoever.

    The play partner jealousy is an amazing thing. I do think it has something to do with the connection we have made with the other person. Still wholly irrational, inappropriate (in my mind) and somewhat embarrassing. Again, one of those unreasonable rushes of emotion that I didn’t see coming.

    It never ceases to amaze me that the more we put ourselves out there and open to new experiences, the more we learn about ourselves.

  8. This is an issue I’ve struggled with myself recently. I’ve only had very few spanking partners and the majority of them it doesn’t bother me in the slightest to hear about who they are playing with. I don’t begrudge ANY of them spanking fun.

    However, my very first spanking partner is somewhat closer to my heart, I guess. He’s the only one who’s spanked me on the bare. We’re very good friends and he really GETS me. We were friends for over a year online before we met up in person and then when we met up we spent several days together. We’ve done that for 2 years.

    There isn’t any sort of romantic feelings involved. He’s just a really special friend. However, I recently found out that it really bugs me to know who he’s spanking. I don’t actually CARE that he spanks others, he deserves all the happiness and fun he can get and I wish him well. So, I was a bit taken aback by it. I did find I got a little depressed over it. I’m not sure if it was pure jealousy or more likely self-esteem issues where I get convinced he’ll hook up with someone and then realize I’m a complete dork or something like that.

    I wasn’t really proud of feeling the way I did, but they were my feelings and so I had to deal. And I gave the person who asked me about him recently a glowing reference even though I really wished I didn’t know about the planned meeting. I’m just happier not knowing the details. Maybe that makes me a bad person, I don’t know.

    I used to think jealousy was a bad thing, but ended up wishing I hadn’t been so trusting in the past when it came back to bite me on the rump.

  9. I enjoy the knowledge that MOK knows who I’m playing with and approves. It cements our relationship. He liked it when a cop turned me over his knee. Seems to connect with law enforcement. i’m impressed when he can trust others like that. I haven’t been spanked by many guys, only a few, but I feel like I can pursue my fantasies

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