Horse Walks Into A Bar…

Any event comes with expectations that sometimes will not be met. Unfortunately, that’s just life.

I mentioned the other day that the atmosphere at Paddles seemed a little bit off on OTK Night. The problem was that the downbeat mood seemed to be compounded by people who, when they don’t get what they want, start moping around with the long face. Enough already with that stuff.

I’ve seen it at the club, at parties of all sizes and even munches – that person or group of people that just sit there silently broadcasting to the world that they are not happy because the Universe has conspired against them. I know the scene is full of different characters but Charlie Brown is not one that I really need to see.

Yes, I understand that sometimes things don’t quite work out and often for a variety of reasons. You ask someone to play and it just doesn’t happen – hopefully you’re not one of those folks that put all their eggs in that one basket because there’s a possibility you might be somewhat disappointed. There are times like the other night when I ask people to play and they say “no thanks” – oh, well. The worst thing to do is just sit there and act all hurt like you’ve just been turned down for the school dance. Yes, it might suck a bit, but the difference is that you’re not thirteen years old any more. While the moping might be forgiveable when coming from someone in their early teens, it really is quite embarrassing coming from an adult. It brings down the whole room because people tend to notice the depressed guy just sitting there and it makes them somewhat uncomfortable, not just to be near someone depressed but to be around an adult acting like a little kid (and notice I did not say playacting).

If it’s a kid, you can put your arm around ’em and take ’em out for ice cream and all is good with the world. The adult…well, they do put down horses on occasion.

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11 Responses to “Horse Walks Into A Bar…”

  1. But how do you REALLY feel about it Rad? lol. I haven’t been to a scene party….so I don’t really understand it all – but I can imagine. I can sense that some people go to these events with the underlying feeling that their needs “probably won’t get met”….and that karma is sure to come true. I have had my share of ups and downs in life…and ultimately we have to brush ourselves off and try all over again. Each day can be a new adventure….and each party should be looked at with a sense of what might happen. Some people are always going to be like that. Too bad that their mood can set the tone for everyone else.

  2. Barb: I mostly try to ignore these folks but sometimes it’s unavoidable because they are right there in your face.

  3. So – for $35 ANY man can walk in to Paddles. And instead of finding one of the willing (and quite likely non-participating) MODELS advertised on the website, he discovers a group of ? (how many would you say, Rad?) And none of this small group, for any number of reasons, doesn’t want to take a chance on this STRANGER.

    How much do you expect for the price? Until it’s a screened, invitation only event, the owners or the club acknowledge that $35 entitles any non-violent patron to mope around until closing time, like in any of the thousands of bars in the city. Making the type of faces they do is not grounds for being shown to the door.

    You seem to have figured out this scene pretty well. You’re a regular. You prepare your own exhibitions. I assume that a player has a pretty good idea of what to expect from you.

    Paddles would let you have a Rad-Night, but you’d have to give them a guaranteed attendance. (It’s an undertaking)

    I’m really curious to know how many people were at Paddles, if it won’t get you into trouble with them.

  4. TVisiting: Everyone is responsible for those actions which under their own control. Patronizing an establishment and acting in a responsible, adult way are examples of this. If someone mopes around or puts on a sour puss, I don’t think they should be shown the door for this sort of childish behavior, but I also don’t think I’m required to let it go by without comment if I feel like commenting (which I have).

    You seem to be saying that there are those who are misinformed or purposely misled into thinking that they are going to get something at Paddles they are not. If I patronize a business and feel that I have been somehow knowingly misled into believing a level of service or atmosphere would be provided that is not in fact true, then I have several recourses. I could simply not go back there again. I could contact the establishment and file a complaint, pointing out succinctly and politely what my grievance entails. I could contact the Better Business Bureau and complain to them if I felt that I was somehow defrauded.

    Hope this helps clarify my original point.

  5. Rad – I don’t think that they are purposely misled anymore than any viewer of most television commercials. I was just offering a guess about the reasons for their visible disappointment.

    So here are some questions to expand on your original post:

    Have you noticed the same ‘bummers’ at SL and other larger events?
    Do they show up at small clubs and private parties?
    Is anything done about them anywhere?
    Can you recommend a prevention/solution?

    And I still wonder if any of the models on the website are actual attendees.

  6. The fact is that although I am talking about a specific place and time, these “bummers” are found everywhere. Popular culture even has a name for someone like this: Debbie Downer.

    I don’t propose to do anything about people like this other than leave them be. I may not like having them around and they may get into my field of vision every so often but they don’t do irreparable harm to most of my experiences. The only place they have an adverse effect is at my job where I am forced to be around them for 8+ hours a day.

    I have not perused their website recently so I must go there to refresh my memory and see these so-called “models”. Anyone else who knows of these models please speak up.

  7. TVisiting,

    Actually, Rad has provided plenty of suggestions in this blog for how new people (or anyone) can go about becoming part of the spanking scene, make friends, and hopefully get to play.

    There are people who think by attending something, without any effort on their part, they are entitled to play. But if you are lacking in social skills, or make no effort to interact with others other than asking to play, and you then sit around moping and hoping someone will take pity on you, you are mistaken.

    I think if possible it is an advantage to go to or club or attend an event with a friend. That way you have someone to talk to, your comfort level will rise, and because you are not dependent on strangers for company, you might find it easier to turn strangers into friends and potential play partners.

    The one time we got to go to Paddles, we had a group of 7 that knew each other. But I played with two people who were brand new and unknown to me until that night. I got two great scenes! What did they have in common? We met at the munch before hand and there was no play pressure. Just interesting conversation while eating food. When they expressed play interest later on, I was quite willing (Topped one, bottomed to the other).

    Anyone can attend, pay their fee, and hopefully have a good time. But that good time is not guaranteed.

    As for the “models” – I think you mean the pics on the Paddles site? If they are casual, spontaneous pics then they are probably people who attend or have attended. But Paddles is by no means “pimping out” cute girls to be spanked, for example. They are just suggesting you can come and have fun.

    I doubt I would attend Paddles alone. Safety in numbers. Plus my husband would complain!

    I’ve seen the “mopers” who feel entitled to play at SL too. These people tend to make little effort to talk first or get to know you. In a social situation there are ways to become part of a group conversation, get to know people, and investigate play. Eve Howard recommends people join the member site if planning to attend the party (and offers free months!) so they can intro themselves, participate in the forum and chat, so they have friends ahead of time. That is how we made ALL our friends the first time around.

    Friends like Rad and sandy and others who we will cherish the rest of our lives.

    Thank goodness we made the effort to get to know others and share of ourselves.

    Most of us aren’t models. But it doesn’t mean we aren’t fun!

  8. What Dolly said.

    As for models: I have no bias against them. If they want to play with me then I’ll be nice and play.

  9. I do feel SOME sympathy for the “mopers,” and they’re not just guys. I have been mopey at various stages in my life, including some scene events, and I hope I didn’t bring people down too much, but I’m sure I may have. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to an event and not played, however. And even in a down and out mood, I TRY to talk to people. When I was single, I had some friends who would gladly beat me and put me out of my misery. Yes, I might have been pining over someone else, but “love the one you’re with,” as the song goes.

    I don’t know about the models on Paddles website, http://www.paddlesnyc.com/. There is a cute girl in a leather outfit on the main page; don’t know her. Then on one page there’s Michael and Laura, who own the joint, then Michael spanking “Daddies’ Little Brat,” his “sub,” or whatever she calls herself. Then there’s a guy in his underwear, apparently getting kicked in the nuts. I assume these are “real” people, real players, some of whom happen to be attractive. I’ve seen all body types at Paddles and I don’t think Michael has the budget or inclination to hire models who just look good but don’t play.

    You may see some pros in the crowd, but they’re not supposed to take money or solicit at the club.

  10. The pictures on Paddle’s websites are like those on other BDSM clubs websites. They are there to show some things that go on at the club, the furnishings, etc.

    Anyone who goes to the club expecting to see those specific people, is a moron. Except Michael and DLB who are there every Fri-Sat night…but they don’t ADVERTISE themselves as ready, willing, and able models.

    Nowhere on Paddles website do they advertise that specific models will be there, or that they have beautiful women available.

    If a guy is too stupid to realize that, and really thinks that the pictures on a website for a club (generally used to draw people in based on the activity or furnishings in the pictures), probably shouldn’t leave the house.

    Strangers often come to the club and if they have any brains at all, they start by introducing themselves to Michael who will most likely point them in the direction of actually…Rad and Sandy, or myself, or someone else who frequents often whom he considers friendly.

    I’ve shown numerous new people around, most who come to meet people and are eager to mingle, and then there are the “strangers” who hang in corners and stick their hand in their pants, with a gross toothy grin on their face.

    Everyone is responsible for their own actions…I don’t care about those that mope in corners until they are bothering me, and then I care. But if they haven’t the intelligence to do more than jack off in a BDSM club, that’s pretty sad.

    It’s late, I got off track and rambled….but…hopefully I made a point.

  11. Life is full of things that cost money, but for which you have to work anyway. If I join a gym, then never bother to work out regularly, I can hardly blame the gym owners at my lack of amazing results– even if they show gorgeous success stories on their web page. Similarly, if I pay tuition to take a class, then fail to show up or to do the reading, it’s hardly the instructor’s fault if I don’t learn anything (or pass).

    I agree with Sandy that we all have down times. And of course there will be times in which something in the atmosphere touches a nerve and makes it hard to be cheerful. That’s all normal, but finding someone else to blame rather than taking responsibility for your own mental state isn’t. It’s the the attitude that paying your party fee, or Paddles fee, or whatever, entitles you to a great scene that bothers me. There are all kinds of people in the spanking scene. It’s not as though you need Tea-at-Buckingham-Palace etiquette. Some social skills and a willingness to treat potential play partners as more than a hand or a bottom is all that’s necessary. And even then, not every party will be the stuff of dreams. That’s just life.

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