Play Partners & Age

Most of my play partners are around my age – some are older and a few are younger. Each person is a unique experience to me and I can’t really compare them to each other at all.

One of things that I noticed early on in my time in the scene was the wide range of ages of play partners. It seems to most folks, the age of the person is less important than the chemistry between them. I’ve already stated that “older” and “less desireable” have little or nothing to do with each other these days. People, especially men, have finally caught up with this fact and even in commercial porn there’s a large amount of product geared towards those who want to see older women. Personally, I’m a sucker for older woman/younger woman lesbian porn but I digress.

I wonder sometimes when I see younger folks enter the scene, especially younger women, if their needs are really being met. Is the population of sometimes significantly older men a turn off to women entering the scene or is their focus merely on getting a good spanking with someone that it “works” with? A lot of the younger men I see coming out seem to be either bottoms or switches and none of them seem to have a hard time finding a Domme or female Top that is willing to provide them what they want. Are young women finding partners they want or are they accepting what is out there?

When I play with someone younger than me, especially young enough to be “daughter” age, I sometimes feel very weird about it. Not that I think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with any two people playing but because I honestly feel like I’m somehow “preying” on a younger person. This may only be in my own head but it is probably the main reason I don’t ask younger women to play that often.

Another thing I find interesting in my own experience is that I can spank an older woman who can be role playing a younger woman and not feel strange about it. Is this true of most bottoms? Can they be spanked by a younger person without it feeling odd to them?


11 Responses to “Play Partners & Age”

  1. The first person who asked me to play at my very first party was a guy young enough to be my son, and I really did think it was weird. He was very understanding when I told him I needed some time before I would start playing. I attended another party with the same group recently, and I did play with him. He’s a very good top, and the age difference didn’t matter once the scene had started.

  2. It is weird at first……but also flattering. Age doesn’t matter one bit to me….like you said – it’s the chemistry!

  3. I will agree it is about chemistry for me as well. I have played with younger men and loved it and some I just could not play with at all. Along with the chemisty their attitude is important as well.

    Rad you have a great blog! I love reading it.

  4. To all above: Spanking women who are older was something that I thought would feel odd until I went ahead and did it. Then it just became me spanking someone I enjoy playing with.

    Kathy: Thanks, that’s very nice of you to say.

  5. Age doesn’t play much of a role in my scenes – I’ve played with men as old as 60 and as young as 22. Being 19, I can’t be too picky – everyone is older than me. More recently I am wanting something different from play partners – again, having nothing to do with age.

    I don’t think all young women’s needs are being met, and I think this because there are many men who think they know what younger women (in my age range) want and need. From my experience they feel they can influence what you want to be in the scene.

    I had to be very adamant about a lot even when exploring BDSM, that I would not do certain things, it wasn’t what I wanted. I learned a lot about myself and what I want from the BDSM scene (and when), and that I really enjoy and get more from spanking.

    A lot of younger women know what they want and need, but aren’t quite able to vocalize it, or really realize it. An older man can constructively help, with exploration, following limits, and opening up new doors – as well as having experience to explore with someone without experience.

    Younger men (when I talk about men, I am talking about tops here…) in the 28-35 or so range, can also offer the same thing, but in a different way. They in one way, can relate to younger women, and at the same time, can be at a totally different level and be completely removed from someone so young (although not much younger than them).

    The only time a scene is weird for me is if I sense the top isn’t enjoying it, or if my age bothers him. It bothers me when my age bothers a top, especially one I want to play with, but it’s something I can’t change and everyone has their preferences.

    Sorry for the ramble!

  6. […] – From Radspace Add My friend Radagast made a post today on his blog Radspace about Play Partners and Age.  I left him a comment that was so long, I decided to post it here (slightly altered to make a […]

  7. Kate James, thanks for your comment and for your perspective on the subject.

    I don’t think anyone, older or younger, should attempt to shape another person’s experience in the scene based upon their own idea of what it should be. I just think anyone should play with anyone they feel comfortable playing with – case closed.

  8. When I first entered the scene, the *idea* of playing with (bottoming to) someone significantly younger than me weirded me out a bit. I’ve since played with younger men … one who is young enough to be my son … and it really didn’t matter. The chemistry was there and it worked out just fine.

    I’m at the right age (almost 50) where older or younger doesn’t have any significance in my choosing play partners. It’s more likely that a younger player would not want to play with *me* because of age, and that’s cool. There’s plenty of younger ladies for them and plenty of players of any age for me, so I wouldn’t feel insulted.

  9. sandy richards Says:

    It seems to me that it’s not easy for anyone in this scene to have their needs met fully. Those who like what we like are a small percentage of the population. But add to that the fact that there are so many different styles and tastes within the scene, that it’s very difficult to find someone with whom you are compatible in style, desire and chemistry.

    I agree that younger women who want younger men as Tops may have a difficult time, but I would contend that middle-aged women also have a difficult time.

    A number of younger women seem to want an older man who can be an authority figure or a “daddy” figure. And when that happens, these young women are fishing in my pool. lol.

    I’ve been Topped at parties by younger men, and I’ve been fine with that because of the casual feel of the play. But I’ve never met a younger man with whom I could have a one-on-one, private scene in which there is a true exchange of power and control. Never say never, but it hasn’t happened yet.

    Rad, I don’t think you’re alone in being uncomfortable playing with young women who are young enough to be a daughter. I know a number of men who feel that way and, truthfully, I respect them for it.

    I think the porn sites that hire barely legal teenagers who can pass as 15-year-olds are despicable. And when a man pounces on a teenager young enough to be his daughter, it makes me uncomfortable.

    I’m not saying that it’s wrong. If both parties are comfortable and it’s respectful and consentual, then that’s fine. But, and this will be very unpopular, I have lost respect for some older men who seem to be salivating over a teenager. It can be unseemly.

    I think a more mature man who takes time to get to know a young woman can play with her in a healthy, respectful way. But I understand and respect when a man is hesitant, particularly if he doesn’t know the young woman well. Because at that point, she is not a scene friend, but someone who reminds them of someone they likely view as “a little girl.”

    Also, I worry about young women in this scene. The exchange of power and the vulnerability of a bottom can be an emotional mine field. While I fully recognize that many of these young women, including Kate James, are smart and capable and self-aware, they are also young and vulnerable to a man who is wise in the ways of control and manipulation.

    There are men with integrity in this scene, such as yourself Rad, and there are predators. I’ve been hurt in this scene and I’ve had years to learn who I am, what I want, and to shore up my self-esteem. Younger women, even the most together younger women, are still finding their way in life, and I worry about them.

    And while age is just one more area we have to negotiate in the scene, I’m pleased that there are different age groups involved. I enjoy talking with men and women of all ages. I’m not interested in just the company or perspective of my own age group. This scene will not thrive and grow unless we have something to offer to all ages, styles and tastes.

  10. I found a link to this post on Kate James’ web site and followed it over to see what people’s responses were. A lot of what people have already said makes plenty of sense to me. Here’s my take on it:

    Jack is around 20 years older than me and I’ll admit that if I had had the choice between playing with someone my own age and playing with him, well I probably wouldn’t have chosen him. In hindsight, that would have been a terrible mistake because I would have missed out on a lot. We’ve been together for a while now and I hardly ever think of the age difference now. Based on this experience I wouldn’t mind at all playing casually with other men significantly older than me.

    That said, in a relationship, I’m looking for someone in my own age range and that does seem to be much harder to find. I’m also (probably unfairly) biased against playing with men who are younger than me, even on a casual level. I’ve done it once, many years ago, but it’s extremely rare that I find younger tops with whom I can connect on that level.

  11. Emma: It’s all personal taste and what any individual feels comfortable with. As far as I’m concerned, there is no Platonic ideal of a perfect partner, merely the partner you feel best suited to. Age differences probably mean more to people looking from the outside than those inside a relationship of any kind.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: