Little Vanilla Lies

Your Aunt Eileen wants to know how you know her nephew. Now what?

In a perfect world, my kinky life and my vanilla life would not mix. In the real world, however, there are times when this becomes unavoidable. Whether it’s family or friends wanting to know how my wife and I met or relatives of my kinky friends wanting to know how my wife and I met them, few moments stun me into a loss for words than these. You stand there for a moment with a blank expression on your face looking totally guilty of something while you think of what to say. You’re stuck and you have to say something in moments like this. Do you just blatantly lie or just fudge the truth.

“Oh, we met online”: Eyebrows usually go up with that one like it’s somehow inconceivable that people could have met online and become friends. If the person is old enough, their eyes will simply gloss over as they shake their heads at the concept of the magical Internet.

“We were introduced through a mutual friend”: This is usually followed by questions of “who” so you better be ready to deflect that. Even attempts to convince this person that they don’t know the “mutual friend” will make them pry harder because they will refuse to believe that they don’t somehow know this person as well.

If you must lie (and we all must at some point in the vanilla world), make sure you get your stories straight. You never want to lie to someone and have them say, “But she said you met on the International Space Station when you were both astronauts”. There will just be too much to explain at that point – easier to get stories in sync.

The other thing that I often have to lie about is why I’m going to a particular destination on vacation – especially when I’m going for a spanking party. These are the oddest questions because it implies that they don’t believe you would go to a place just to go. Vegas, Florida or wherever – these are valid destinations where people often vacation. Are they implying that I’m not the type of person who would frequent these places? Why not? Can they not accept that people go on vacation just to go?

“What are you going to do in Vegas”, they ask. Are you kidding? You need to ask what people do in Vegas? I’m going to gamble my life savings away in the hope that I might win something. Now leave me alone.


17 Responses to “Little Vanilla Lies”

  1. Yes, it would be tough to explain forgetting someone you’d met on the International Space Station. My least effective lying experience was much more mundane: my parents called just after I’d awoken from a nap at the Florida Moonshine party to ask whether I was okay. As I hadn’t seen the news or heard about the latest round of flooding in my home state, I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Poor dears, they won’t pry, but I’m pretty sure I’ve given then false hope that there’s a new man in my life…

  2. One other thing that I find hard to confront in my kinky life is when you have to hide from one set of kinky friends that you were hanging out with another set because you’re afraid they’ll wonder why they weren’t invited and why you didn’t tell them about this other event.

  3. I’ve discovered “We met in Vegas” to be adequate if not quite acceptable. I mean, how would I actually meet someone in Vegas and trust them? (Along the lines of meeting a stranger off the Internet, I imagine.) I’ve also had to expalin how spanking friends have met other spanking friends – at this point, my mind boggles and I go for the first memorable point of physical contact, leaving out the preceding Internet fishiness.. “they met at a club in CityX I think”.

    One thing I did try to explain one time (to no avail) was that the Internet was just as safe as meeting strangers in a bar, where you go to drinks alcohol, get your drink spiked with something you don’t want to imbibe, give out your personal address & phone number if you might have a date, and perhaps walk outside with them afterward for a little grope and tickle in the parking lot/sidewalk. THAT seems inherently unsafe to me, but you know, maybe I’m not old-fashioned enough to understand it.


  4. G and I just went through this whole process. When it was a reality that we were going to move in together, we knew we had to get our stories straight for our mutual vanilla family and friends. We still get the raised eyebrow or two, but they seem to buy into it.

    Going on vacation is a whole other aspect to the equation. I just moved from Vegas where I lived for 10 years. And 90% of my clients are there. Sooo… I’m not telling a soul that I’m going to be in town. I have already told them I am taking an extended Labor Day weekend vacation and will not be available and leaving it at that.

    Now… What’s going to be interesting is if I run into someone I know while wearing a schoolgirl uniform. At that point I’ll probably just think WTF and say “I’m here for a Spanking Party, want to join in?”

  5. This is harder in my world – especially on Myspace….as I don’t have a separate spanking/vanilla site. Hmmm. lol. So far the people that have asked I have had no problem telling….my sisters and adult daughter know I am into the spanking scene. Others…..haven’t asked. I will lie if they do…haha.

  6. sparkle: One of the other things that gets difficult to explain is how I know so many people from all over the country. I must be a good at networking.

    D: I have yet to meet any people from my vanilla life in NYC at a party or at Paddles. It would actually be interesting.

    Barb: As long as you trust the people you tell then I don’t see an issue. Not only do I not trust the vast majority of the vanillas I know, I wouldn’t want them to know even if I did trust them.

  7. Why is that Rad? I’m just curious.

  8. Barb: Maybe I’ll do a whole article about it but it boils down to the fact that when all is said and done, people talk. And I can’t trust that they won’t.

  9. What’s especially hard for me is my mother and sons. My husband knows what I do and where I go – otherwise I wouldn’t be doing and going. But my mom is aghast that I travel around and take vacations sans hubby – I’m “undermining” my marriage. We need to “do things together”. “Your father and I did EVERYTHING together”. That is hard…but I manage. The boys are pretty good about not bothering their heads that dad and I don’t do a lot together – they are of the internet generation, and buy the story that I met “so and so” on the Internet…through a book club…sponsored by ALA. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll get past the point of caring, but I know I won’t. It’s just too ingrained.

  10. Everyone that knows Joel and I know we met on line. They ask what site, and I tell them it wasn’t a match site or I just tell them it was a general chat. That is all I offer and if people persist in asking where or what kind of chat, I keep my response the same.

    When we go to Vegas or, now Tampa to parties, I just say we are getting together with some friends we know.

    If people think there is something sinister beyond that, so be it. Let them think that I am clothed in an air of mystery and intrigue. It beats smelling like garlic.

  11. Good for you, Laura! I like that – an “air of mystery and intrigue”. Works for me!

  12. In the end, it seems that the only answer is to just accept the fact that the vanillas in your life will always be kept wondering what you’re really up to. As long as they are not working for the Dept. of Homeland Security, I guess it won’t matter.

  13. I told people I’m going to Vegas because a number of friends online suggested it. You know – one couple announced they’d be in Vegas, another couple said “hey, that sounds cool” and it snowballed into a whole group going. I can see the need to synchronize stories for a couple, though – most of my associates know I’ve been forbidden from any fraternization while I’m on the space station so they’d never buy it.

  14. Yeah I believe you that these statemants could create some tricky situations. Luckily I never was involved in one but people never know what future will bring, wright?

    My husband and myself also met online but the story has noting in common with spanking or other kinky things so is´t easy to tell it…because there is always the question “how”!

    Kisses Apple

  15. My mother thinks the internet is evil, so of course when I say I met friends online they are automatically suspect as some sort of freaks (if she only knew ). My standard answer is that I met friends on a “writers group” online … true in a way.

    I love my family, but it annoys me to no end that they think I need to explain anything I do or anywhere I go. I also get that same questioning about why I’m going somewhere and what I’m doing when I get there, or why I’m going “alone” sometimes. Fortunately, my immediate family (spouse/kids) is more knowledgeable and comfortable with what I’m doing without needing or wanting to know the particulars.

  16. Irish, are we related? I have the same problem with my family. Especially my brother, who, when he hears I’m going on a trip, wants to know all the details and see all the pictures. Funny… how’d THAT picture get in there?

    We were with spanko friends in a vanilla setting over the weekend (which I guess is what prompted this post from Rad) and one girl asked how we (Rad and I) met. I said, “On the internet!” She didn’t ask for further elaboration. if someone asks, I’ll say that we had a mutual friend.

    It was trickier explaining how we knew our friends that we were visiting. We had forgotten that we all belonged to the same writing group!

  17. swfloridabrat Says:

    Hm, when I have told “vanilla” friends, I often find out they aren’t so vanilla, either…and…my family knows…thanks to my ex “outting” me. At least now I can dispense with the lies.

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