Keeping My Wits About Me At Parties

And now, a confessional. I don’t drink

This is not a total ban because I do imbibe liquids of various kinds: Water, coffee and especially soda. I admit a bit of an addiction to brain-eating diet sodas. Other than getting somewhat over-caffeinated (or physically tired), I do not allow myself the indulgence of impairment when I’m playing.

There are folks out there who make a strict rule out of this and that’s fine – I just see it as a rule that I follow for myself in life and when I’m doing something that requires me to be coordinated and in control of what I’m doing. Nothing could be more important when the thing I’m doing might cause someone injury or go beyond a limit because I was not aware. For my part, I feel somewhat responsible for the person I’m playing with even if they have a safeword because of the chance that they might be in subspace or somewhat zoned-out and not be aware themselves what’s happening before it’s too late. I play because it is fun, not just for me but for the other person. I don’t want my own lack of control to ruin either of our fun.

The impairment of the other person is a judgment call. If someone has had a couple of drinks and I’m relatively sure they are aware of the decisions they are making then I’ll play with them – no problem. It gets into a gray area when I notice they are behaving as if drunk and by “drunk” I mean really slurring their words or seeming out-of-it in a way that’s easily recognizable. In cases like this, I would not play because I cannot be a hundred percent sure that they know what they are doing or able to convey to me how they are doing during play. I’m not being totally altruistic in this regard because I’m thinking of myself also. I have to protect myself from someone agreeing to something when drunk and then having a different opinion of what transpired when sober. That’s a risk that I am not willing to take and I hope the other person would understand rather than be insulted by my unwillingness to play.

I try to make rules when I am directly involved in what is going on – the mileage of other folks in the scene may vary. Fortunately, Sandy and I trust each other to choose play partners wisely.


10 Responses to “Keeping My Wits About Me At Parties”

  1. Something I never considered Rad but sounds like sage advice. I’m sure I will partake….but don’t plan on being out of control myself either…..good to have rules.

  2. I drink (alcohol) very little if at all at spanking parties, much less so than I do in other social settings, and for much the same reasons that you mention. I wouldn’t go so far as some do with a total ban…I do enjoy a glass of wine or beer with a meal, possibly even a mixed drink, but won’t go farther than that.

    Due to my body size, I can “hold my liquor”, so a couple of drinks probably isn’t going to impair me the same way it might someone of smaller stature, but why risk it? Also, despite whether I’m actually impaired or not, if someone has seen me throwing them back, and smells alcohol on my breath, they’re going to make assumptions, fairly or not.

  3. So, do some people complain or make accusations? What could happen? Does it happen often? Is it a risk? Is there need of another procedure to make sure everyone is in agreement? How do you measure things if you would need to?

  4. I have to disagree with you Fireman Chris, I’m not certain it has only to do with “body size”. I’m what society would call a “full figured” woman ( just call myself heavy but whatever!) anyway, I can feel the effect of one beer because I don’t drink often at all. So saying that someone that might be of “small stature” feels the effect quicker than someone else isn’t always true.

    Rad, it was a great topic to bring up and it’s wise advice! Thanks

  5. Someone gave me that advice early on when I joined the scene, and I have found it to work quite well. I rarely drink. Actually when I am at parties, I don’t drink…I am already having such a rush…nothing else is really needed.

    I don’t like to play with someone who has obviously been drinking…I don’t trust them…and therein lies the end of that. I don’t go policing people seeing if they have had a glass of wine or something…but if it is noticeable to me…then I won’t play with them. Too much risk!
    Good topic!

  6. To all commenters: It’s really only a personal rule that I abide by and enforce upon my play. Since I don’t drink at all, at parties or anywhere else, it’s not something I have to control in myself and don’t desire to enforce in others. I never say someone should not drink if they so choose – however, I can choose to play or not play with them depending on how impaired I think they are and certainly wouldn’t judge a person based on smelling alcohol on their breath.

    Alcohol, especially since I have not imbibed for many years, has a strong odor to me even if someone has only had a glass of wine or a beer. I can tell they’ve been drinking but if they’re not acting like goofballs, it doesn’t bother me one bit.

  7. I agree that it’s also important for bottoms to make sure our judgment isn’t impaired, either. And it’s not just alcohol– fatigue can be just as much as issue, as it is on the road.

  8. Indy’s right. There is a desire to get everything out of every moment at a party like Shadow Lane and sometimes sleep takes a back seat to the potential fun. Rather than stumble about witlessly, some sleep is necessary and it doesn’t have to be a lot. Naps work.

  9. I don’t drink, either, but I certainly don’t mind if someone has one or two. Why should it bother me unless it affects their speech or coordination? I think I’m observant enough to tell when someone’s drunk, and I’ll say no to play with that person. I don’t see any reason to complain to anyone else (ie, party coordinators) unless that person’s actions become overly aggressive. One person at a party several years ago grabbed my arm and said we were going to dance. I was like, “the fuck we are!”

    (all right, those might not have been my exact words. But I certainly complained about his boorish behavior. thankfully, this doesn’t happen often at SL).

  10. Once again, I am reminded of why I like to hang out with you.

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