“You Don’t Understand”

Got an email from someone who did not want to leave a comment for all to read or to be identified. I won’t directly quote their email but I’ll paraphrase what was conveyed. They stated that it’s all well and good for me to tell people to just “do it” at parties but that for folks like the email writer, it is just too difficult. I’ll be calling BS on that right after the fold.

Being told that I’m looking at things from some sort of bright side is a compliment. I went through too many years on the negative end of things to not enjoy what’s happening around me now. But it’s not as if it was the easiest thing in the world to get from one to the other.

I’ve gone through my life history so I’m not doing it again. I’ll simplify it by saying I was a social misfit when young, a personality disaster in my adulthood and finally a person who dragged himself to some semblance of normality. It can be done if you want it to happen. I didn’t go through years of therapy although it might have helped me sooner, I just stepped back for a minute, saw myself from the outside and didn’t like what I was looking at. Here’s the crux, either I was going to change or I was going to be a disliked and lonely person for the rest of my life.

Yes, you pay your money and you go to Shadow Lane. Then you stand around and wait for something to happen to you without expending a calorie on anything other than self-pity. People are entitled to few things in life and having your spanking itch scratched is not one of them. If a person is going to stand around, mope, pout, complain and then wonder why no one is talking to them, then there’s not a lot anyone can do about that.

If a phobia or fear or debilitating anxiety is the problem then go get professional help. But if the problem is that a person is not willing to give themselves that little push over their own personal hump, that’s on them.

And one other thing: I take umbrage at the accusation that I’m speaking from the point of view of one of the “popular people”. I have not now nor ever desired or set myself on a campaign to be “popular”. Actually, I really don’t give a damn if people like me or not above a certain basic human level. I didn’t come into this world having friends – I actually had to do it myself.

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14 Responses to ““You Don’t Understand””

  1. I strongly believe in the laws of attraction. Whatever thoughts/feelings you project, is exactly what you’ll get in return. Some people have to play the victim card and live under this black cloud that follow them around. Then they are surprised when all they get in return is negativity.
    Great response Rad, I couldn’t agree more.

  2. What D says… 🙂

  3. Barb, D and G: Obviously, I have an issue with whiners.

  4. And I’ve been such a whiner today……sorry..

  5. Barb: You weren’t whining to me so no worries.

  6. There’s not much to do for people locked into that mindset. If they truly do have a pathological fear then only real therapy will do it – and if not, then they are wrapping themselves in self-pity, self-centerdness (“what you say may be true for everyone else in human history but for me it’s different.”), or both. We’ve all engaged in both at some point and to some degree, but either grow and move on in life…or we stay stuck in one place and just keep wallowing. All you can do is offer the truth to them – they’ll either accept it or not.

  7. This reminds me of the advice my mother use to give me when I was growing up: Nothing is more attractive than confidence. Walk into a room with your head held high and a smile, and people are going to want to know you. (Even if you’re faking!)

    I have experienced this first hand time and again. For example, when do men hit on me the most? When I’m in love! When my sweetheart has just called or sent me a message! Why? Because I glow!

    So maybe the author of the e-mail in question just needs to give him/herself a little pep-talk, think about a time when someone did or said something that made them feel 10 feet tall, and then walk into that room thinking about it. People see it. People react to it.

  8. Disclaimer: Laura has worked all night and has a low whiner tolerance.

    Every once in a while someone is dismayed that they have been looking and looking and can’t find that certain someone. Finding that person is not easy. Period. Throw in the spanking thing and it’s a harder thing. I believe he/she wants their perfect partner to walk to their door, ring or knock and say “here I am” and live happily ever after.

    Have they ever placed an ad? Well, no.
    Have they ever sought out a local group. Well, no.
    Have they ever struck up a non spanking conversation in chat with someone they are interested. Well no.
    Have they ever gone to a Shadowlane Party? Well no. This is far too intimate to go to a party with 300 people.

    Am I feeling sad for them? Well, no.

    You get out what you put in. You strike out, make relationships, take chances. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn’t. But you have to work at it.

  9. Shiny and Constance: Good points and perspectives from you both. And Constance, good positive advice from you.

    Laura: As always, your snarkiness bestills my heart.

  10. I do have sympathy for people who are shy in large social settings. However, my sympathy does not extend to those who feel a sense of entitlement to have their needs meet by the world with little effort on their part.

    As for finding that certain someone, sure that would be nice. But I think anyone who focuses on that to the extent that they don’t get to know people in the community as a whole– male, female, married, single– will miss an awful lot of the fun. I find it much easier to focus on the liberating feeling of being surrounded by people with spanking interests. Even better, there’s the fun of getting to know people you’d enjoy meeting in vanilla contexts, too, but whose paths you wouldn’t otherwise cross.

    It takes a little patience, in that it’s more fun to go to a group’s party a second time, after you already know some people, but it sure doesn’t feel like work to me!

  11. Indy: I agree with you totally. Certain people are way too stiff about things and will not let themselves loosen up at all even when among like-minded individuals. A person can’t make connections if they always have their guard up.

  12. Sometimes people don’t ever want to be understood…I wouldn’t say that I am the overly optimistic type…in fact…I try to work on being more optimistic. I try to take risks…but sometimes I am just not up to it…and sometimes I have taken stupid risks…but one thing I do know…is whining isn’t the way to get or accomplish anything.

  13. “Laura: As always, your snarkiness bestills my heart.”

    Mine too! Thanks for once again speaking my mind, Laura!

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