Weekend Bonus: Punishment versus Reality

Everyone who reads Radspace knows that I’m fond of disciplinary scenes and that they provide me with the most bang for my buck. I also know that there are a lot of bottoms in the scene for which discipline or a punishment scene is what they are seeking out and what resonates with them. How real do you want it to be?

To me, punishment is painful and is meant to be painful. Punishment is not supposed to be under the control of the person at the receiving end of it – they do not get to say how it transpires. For me a punishment scene starts out hard and continues until the punisher is satisfied that they’ve done what they set out to do. All of these things are, of course, done within guidelines that are set up between people before play starts. This is contrary to what many folks who do more sensual spankings practice. In those cases, a spanking may end up hard but was brought there through layers of build-up, each one adding a little more until the person being spanked is taking quite a bit.

How do other folks see this especially those who like punishment/discipline? Is there a dichotomy between what might be a more realistic scene and one that is more practical? It’s a tough one in my mind because I like a scene, once it starts, to seem as real as possible with no break in “characters”. For example, I play with one person for whom I’m “Daddy”. She likes it to be totally up to me from get go and the intensity that I think it should be. No build-up if I don’t want any and continuing until I’m done. That may be an extremely rare case of a person giving up near total control to a Top but I wonder about how rare that really is.

Any thoughts on the subject?

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9 Responses to “Weekend Bonus: Punishment versus Reality”

  1. If it is truly a discipline scene then a sensual buildup doesn’t fit my mental image of it – whether I’m the Tough-but-Fair Dean of Discipline at SwataBottom University or I’m the Behind-on-My-Projects worker reporting to the new, severe lady who took over Employee Relations. Scenes like that, to me, are about living out the punishment scenario: the banishment of guilt and the total loss of control and power to someone else – within agreed upon scene limits, of course. The act of spanking in a scene like that is still intensely erotic for me, but “flavor” of it is different. Discipline scenes, to me, are more about the exchange of power and are a play on the emotions and psyche. A more erotic session is slower, more sensuous, and is about the buildup of the sensation itself. Both are fun but (for me at least) represent two different types of headspace.

  2. My two cents: I enjoy being spanked by my lover in erotic situations but discipline is something else altogther. I fantasize about it, but when it’s happening, it hurts and I don’t want it. It’s not play. We don’t do ‘scense’ or role-play. He spanks me because my behavior and attitude need modification. So how real is it? 100%. He decides when and if I’ll be spanked. He decides how long and how hard.

    I can not really imagine ever being spanked by anyone other than my lover/disciplinarian, but if I ever were to do that, it would have to be real punishment for a real offense, so I suppose that even if that person were essentially a stranger, I would need to talk to him in advance about any behaviour of mine that needed addressing.

  3. radagast Says:

    Two very good comments above – I have nothing to add to either of them. Very interesting.

  4. Shiny, Constance & Rad: Ditto.

  5. Double Ditto

  6. I fantasize about punishment spankings and I have taken a few over the years, but lately I’ve been uncertain about my desire to submit to something that severe. There are some people that I can and will submit to in this way. It’s not easy to do. I have, I think, developed a reputation as a hard player but i simply can’t do this with too many tops. Still, it is the hottest type of fantasy. I’ve thought and fantasized over and over about the times when I was punished severely. Awful, painful punishments. But so hot, so pumped full of adrenaline…

  7. As someone who has been on the giving end of punishment spankings I can say that they also leave me hot and “pumped full of adrenaline”. Dealing them out is quite a rush.

  8. I agree with the above comments too. The losing of all control is the rush for me…and if I am being punished, which is what I fantasize the most about…and what I need in real life the most is the punishment scene. It needs to be real and relate to my real life. When someone tries to do a scene like that with me, and it ends up layers and well in my mind kind of “fake*…I can never get into the headspace I want to get into and it can be quite frustrating.

    But I agree with Sandy, too. I don’t want to do that type of scene with everyone. I think I am still trying to figure out what I want sometimes.

  9. Ditto what Bella said – I think I’m still trying to figure out what I want sometimes.

    There are times when a “real” punishment spanking is what fuels my fantasies…but, as Constance says – I fantasize about it, but when it’s happening it really hurts and I don’t like it! I like the before and the after – it’s the “during” I have trouble with!

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