Is It Always Sexual?

For me, spanking is inextricably connected with my sexuality and has been for a long, long time. That doesn’t mean that one necessarily leads to the next.

I’ve had sexual thoughts and have enjoyed sex for a long time. Often (especially when alone), the thing that gets my engine started is thoughts of spanking. Spanking isn’t the only thing that excites me but it is the main feature of my sexuality. When I play with Sandy, I get really worked up and it’s great to have a way to use the energy built up during spanking later on.

When I spank other people, there is no doubt that the activity turns me on – I wouldn’t be doing it if a spark was not going off in my head. But getting turned on by spanking someone is a bit different than seeing it as a lead in to something else and often these feelings are peripheral to the scene that is taking place.

I bring this up because of the strange dichotomy that exists whenever I’m doing a discipline scene, especially when I’m playing “Daddy”. As hard as I try, there’s no getting around the fact that the act itself is a turn on even when I’m being a disciplinarian. The entire dynamic of anger, scolding and spanking gets into my head and taps directly into the sadistic/dominant side of my personality – a side that is linked to my sexuality. I often wonder if I shouldn’t be trying harder to push down those feelings so that I can attain some kind of “pure” state as a disciplinarian for the person I’m spanking (if that were even possible). I think to myself that the person I’m spanking must be getting turned on as well otherwise why would they even be engaged in this activity in the first place if it didn’t also tap into a certain part of their brains.

There’s a definite line that separates the discipline from its effect as a turn on. The pent up energy can be channeled back into the scene or used later for other reasons. I think that the “turn on” is something that is often deliberately not spoken about in the scene as if merely mentioning it gives things an unwanted meaning.

Honestly, we’re all adults and can figure out that a little sexual nudge in a person’s brain doesn’t have to be more than just that and doesn’t have to involve itself in a scene at all.


13 Responses to “Is It Always Sexual?”

  1. For me Rad spanking is sex… but… as you say, it doesn’t always or have to be sexual. Spanking can be set aside as a purely physical and mental action without getting the hormones involved. I’ve always been more turned on by words than by pictures/video. To me, the audio soundtrack of someone else’s scene is actually a turnoff. Reason being is that the dialog only pertains to the individuals present not the viewers. Reading a story however gets me every time. It’s the before and after a spanking that gets sexual in tone, the during is strictly focused on the bottom and getting results.

  2. Brian: For me, the act is a turn on. I may be concentrating on what I’m doing but under the surface, that part of my brain that is excited by spanking is getting tickled.

  3. For me….if spanking doesn’t lead to some sort of sexual activity… is not as fulfillig for me. I don’t really get into spanking just for discipline…because i can’t wrap my brain around the thought that I deserve to be disciplined….weird and hard to put into words. I like to role play….and pretend that Im a bad girl…..but again that is purely sexual on my part and adds to the turn on…….

  4. radagast Says:

    Barb: Do you ever play just to play? Although people might get turned on by spanking, I think a lot of folks can engage in it by itself and save the sex part for later.

  5. I just never have……maybe i could….but spanking for me has always been with sexual partners…..I have been spanked by someone who claimed to be a “spanko” and he obviously had no idea what he was doing and it was very unfulfilling. I can’t imagine not engaging in the sex part. Maybe I’m just super-horny (haha). I don’t know.

  6. radagast Says:

    Barb: Whatever works for you is your particular flavor of kink.

  7. I enjoy being spanked just for spanking sake. Sex isn’t always necessarily the end result. But, I’m always turned on when being spanked. Even if I’m being seriously disciplined (of course the level of arousal isn’t as high).

    It’s just who I am.

    But, the only time I have been spanked has been by someone I am involved with sexually. This is one of the reasons I am looking forward to SL. This will be my first chance to be spanked by someone other than a sexual partner. I am also curious how it would feel to be spanked by a woman. In both cases, will I still have the same sexual feelings crop up? I’m thinking yes, but maybe not as intense.

  8. Rad,

    Always, always, always! No exceptions, not even one. For Randy and me, spanking is sex, plain and simple.

    …and we like sex. A lot.

  9. radagast Says:

    D and Bonnie: I’ve had a fair number of spanking play partners and have always been turned on by the act and the scene. However it is quite different than when I play with Sandy because in that case the spanking can very easily lead to sex (VERY easily). I think we both look at spanking as sexual without it actually being sex itself.

  10. I look at it that way too Rad. And to be honest – I’ve gotten into many debates about this topic – it took a while for me to even understand what I was saying!

  11. radagast Says:

    I think a lot of people debate about this – I’ve seen some heated ones between people who say it is and those who say “Never”.

  12. Not going to go there.

  13. Susan: As always, there is no obligation for anyone to discuss anything they don’t want to discuss.

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