One Of “Those” People

Why is it that being into spanking sometimes makes me feel like a geek?

It’s often when I’m around people who are into the wider BDSM thing that I feel like the nerd in the crowd. No one ever says anything overtly (not that I’ve heard anyway) but I always get this feeling that when I mention I’m into spanking at a larger BDSM event, I’m getting dismissed as “not serious”. It’s a look on the face sometimes that gives away their emotions.

Is this true or just a feeling I have? Do the folks into bondage or D/s or Master/slave stuff look at me as lesser?

There are times when I dabble in things other than spanking. Maybe I’m more of a Dom sometimes than I am a spanker/disciplinarian or maybe the play is a little rougher than something I’d do during a spanking scene. The fact is that I sometimes throw a little variety into the mix but that doesn’t mean I can pretend to be something I’m not. I’m not Master Rad or anything like that – it just is not me. I won’t put on airs or a facade just to fit in. I can only ever be myself.

As a member of our community and the larger BDSM community, I have a great deal of respect for what other people do. I may not always understand exactly what they get out of it if it doesn’t resonate with me but I can understand that it’s their choice to make. I realize that most people in the BDSM community don’t look down on us – they probably don’t even care. But I don’t think I’m feeling this way by means of a self-inflicted bout of paranoia. No one has to bring out the welcome wagon for us but I would hope that they would at least respect our choices whether they get them or not.

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10 Responses to “One Of “Those” People”

  1. I was still very wet behind the ears when I entered this. One of the first groups of characters I ran into were some BDSMers. When I said I was just into spanking their comments were all in the “don’t worry, you’ll be one of us in a year” category. When I restated that no, I was quite happy being in spanking land, they looked at me like i would choose to be unevolved. How stagnant of me! “if you aren’t changing, you aren’t growing” was one of the domme’s mantra.

    Over the years it seems I’ve met lots of spanko stuff tho pick and choose what they like from BDSM and incorporate that into their spanking fun.

    I know that as a bottom, I could never put up with all the protocol that is sometimes insisted on in the BDSM world. Just not my thing. If there is an element of BDSM that I really want to explore, I’ll see if I can find someone with whom to explore it safely.

  2. radagast Says:

    Laura: As a Top I can’t be bothered with all that protocol. That’s fucking hard work for Christ’s sake!

  3. funny brat girl Says:

    Protocol IS hard work..even on the end of performing it. However, it looks great when done (for the Dom). Shows how well He trained you. The part that I like about it is the structure it gives a sub. There is no brat mode or any other mode but following protocol. Which for me, is a nice, refreshing change from running circles around some of the Tops…if you know what I mean 😉

    ~maria~

  4. radagast Says:

    FBG: Anything, including protocol, is fine for people who like that sort of thing and it’s obvious you do.

  5. funny brat girl Says:

    Sometimes protocol is a challenge is all I’m saying from a submissive’s perspective…(mostly my perspective).

  6. I haven’t had a whole lot of interaction with the BDSM crowd, but this article reminds me of the time I introduced myself on a Yahoo Group for people in my area that get together once a month for a munch. I knew that they were mostly BDSMish, so in my introduction post I stated that I was pretty much only into spanking. The owner of the group wrote back with a welcome that also included “spanking? yeah, even I dirty my hands with it from time to time”.

    Alrighty then.

  7. radagast Says:

    Sue: I dirty my hands with it ALL the time. It’s the ONLY way to get dirty (OK, not the only way).

  8. There ARE a lot of opinions flying around. Just remember that WE are part of BDSM (it’s not spanking vs. BDSM, BDSM is an umbrella term). We had an interesting discussion about this last weekend. One guy was into bondage — JUST bondage. He said he was frequently running into others making comments like, “That’s pretty. NOW what are you going to do with her?” I myself have encountered doms who believed I was not having a good time because I wasn’t having an orgasm. I never considered an orgasm the goal of this (during play at least). Later on, yes… at some point. If it DOES happen during play, that’s good, too.

    I agree with FBG about protocols, it’s an interesting challenge to follow your dom’s rules. I’ve explored that a bit here and there. Key phrase here is YOUR DOM’S RULES. Not rules that one group thinks EVERYONE should be following.

    And if anyone thinks “just spanking” is for wussies, they should see Rad and I play sometime.

  9. I have a real issue with this too. My Fetlife profile, for example, is incredibly detailed and specific about how my MAIN, one and only true original fetish is….can we guess…? SPANKING. I am SO so clear to the men I talk to that THIS is what I want/need/crave and yet….I get asked repeatedly about pusssy spanking, clothepins, etc. Or the tossed off comment about how I am not ” enough” into SMBD. Oh puh-leeze. I crave, and can take HARD hard disciplinary spankings. THOSE are the kinds I LOVE. How is that ” light pain play”? And when did it become a contest/competition, anyway?. I remember the first time I went to Paddles…MANY years ago, and I was wandering around there trying SO hard to get a plain old otk bottom warming, and I couldnt!! ( guess I was there on the wrong night) I mean ..there were guys who would flog me, and a million other etc’s..but, I felt like….” silly” or something..being in a dungeon and wanting ” just” a spanking. The situation has since been remedied oh…prob a thousand times since then . I remain as insatiable as ever!

  10. Lisa: I think it’s a lack of imagination on the parts of some folks in the BDSM community that other flavors of their kink have as much validity as their’s. There is no “purity” about any of this, no variety of kinkiness that is the utmost form. It is what it is for each person engaging in it.

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