How Much Do Looks Matter?

I really don’t think anyone needs to kid themselves by acting as if looks don’t matter at all.

Yes, the first thing we notice about people is their looks. It’s also true that once we get to know people better, their looks improve in our eyes. This is something that I believe is a universal human trait – that what seemed strange or unusual at first gets less so with familiarity.

There’s no denying that when it comes to society, certain things become the standard for attractiveness whether they make sense or not. Lots of people struggle their whole lives trying to mold themselves into what they think is acceptable. It bothers me to see people consider themselves unattractive in some way even though there’s nothing wrong with them to my eye. I often wonder what it is they’re seeing but the sad truth is that I know all too well. I struggled with my self-image from my teen years onward having been raised in an environment full of constant criticism. I never considered myself attractive at all for many, many years and it didn’t matter whether those thoughts made sense to anyone else because they made sense to me.

The fortunate thing is that in the spanking scene, looks seem to be much less of a benefit or handicap than in, let’s say, the general dating scene. I see such a wide range of people in the spanking community that I’m sure every body type, facial feature or personality is covered. Even if people don’t fit the vanilla ideal of beauty (the one sold to us by advertising agencies), it’s liberating to watch them feel easier with themselves and with their bodies – so much so that they’re willing to be naked in front of other people. That’s an amazing thing when you think about it. People in the scene, for the most part, are willing to look at people in a deeper and more meaningful way than mere outward appearance.

Of course, you’re always going to find those people for whom looks are everything. It’s their right to feel that way but hopefully they’re classy enough to not dehumanize the ones who don’t fit a narrow category.

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6 Responses to “How Much Do Looks Matter?”

  1. Hi Rad, I also think that in such kinky scenes the people stick together. The looking is not that important because the real interesting thing is the kink and the communikation about it. Everybody is more tolerant then usual.
    The poeple are happy to share their kink with others so they respect the other ones. The feeling of a community is strong and the looking is less important.
    Everybody wants to feel good because the spanking kink you share with the others is so intimate.

    Kisses Apple

    P.S. I like your blog and will add it to mine.
    I also am new in this scene so if you like to visit my blog,…here is my blogname.
    http://marksandstripes.blogspot.com

    I you like it please add me to your blog 🙂

  2. radagast Says:

    Apple: I agree. People in the scene tend to be a pretty close knit bunch with lots of good friendships developing all the time. Looks are probably not as important as they might be because so many people are just happy to be able to do what they enjoy.

  3. Looks are definitely not that important, but other qualities like self-confidence and assertiveness are (to me) and sometimes if someone is self-conscious about his or her looks, he or she does not have these other qualities. But, they can be nurtured and may develop gradually after positive feedback. I think that happened to me. I still sometimes have my shy moments, but I’m much more assertive than I used to be.

  4. radagast Says:

    sandy: I suppose the idea that familiarity makes a person more attractive can work within each of us when we view ourselves. If you are comfortable with your own looks and even like them, then you’ll exude the kind of confidence that makes you more attractive to others.

  5. Hi Rad,

    The spanking scene is so unique in that way.

    I met my partner through his blog (which is now our blog – http://lovingdiscipline4you.blogspot.com). When we first started to correspond, we realized that we had so much in common and started to fall for each other before we ever exchanged photos. We now live together in a DD relationship and couldn’t be happier.

    If you don’t mind, I would like to add you to our blog roll. Feel free to add our blog if you are so inclined.

    I look forward to your next post!

    -D

  6. radagast Says:

    D: I think there’s a lot to be said about people being “kindred spirits” that somehow find each other. Personally, I think there are many people out there for each of us but we are extremely lucky if we even meet one of them.

    I got lucky in that way.

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