Overthinking

I was talking to a friend about the possibility that some people think way too much before playing – so much that the play itself is not as good as it could be.

I admit I think all the time. My mind is constantly going, usually with either the most ridiculously amusing things or thoughts that are dark/disturbing in both a vanilla and sexual/kinky way. I can’t turn it off and I don’t even try because sometimes some of those thoughts actually leak out as creativity. I enjoy being creative whether I’m writing or working on some piece of audio or just being “funny”.

Now, one can be creative artistically but one can be creative in a sexual way or a way that relates to spanking play. I’m not just talking about creating a role play scenario (although that is creative), I’m talking about letting your creativity guide you while you’re playing. Although there are things one can do that are, in effect, technical, like caning, or strapping or using ropes or whatever, there are activities a person engages in during play that fall outside of the merely technical and into a sort of art form or improv.

Overthinking is to improv what entropy is to the universe – it brings everything to an eventual and grinding halt. To be in a good spanking scene is to be doing improv with the person you’re playing with. You’re working with them, not against them, and trying to create something out of all this technical stuff you’re doing. Overthinking only causes hesitation or disappointment when the reality doesn’t match what you planned on. It’s true of both Tops and bottoms – a bottom can overthink a scene and not be able to get into the headspace they wanted, all because they couldn’t just go with the flow of what was happening and instead were thinking ahead to the result they had in mind, waiting for it to happen.

You can’t make a good spanking scene happen by merely going through the motions on either end of the equation. But feeling the moment and then going with it are the only way I’ve ever really gotten to the headspace I enjoy so much.

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6 Responses to “Overthinking”

  1. So true, and well said. I know when I have expectations, and they are not met, I don’t get where I want to go either. That is where I need to allow submission to take over and accept what is happening because it is what the Top wants to do (not that we have not had negotiations or talks – I’m not being a martyr either!). I will trust the Top to do what we both need, and I know the Top trusts me to communicate or show in someway that they are on the right track.

    Trial, error, and practice!

  2. radagast Says:

    I try to have few expectations unless the scene is planned out in advance like a role play. A certain amount of spontaneity is good when mixed in healthy doses with pre-scene communication. You definitely want to start out sort of on the same page.

    The problem as I see it is when a person comes in with preconceived notions and ends up putting pressure on their play partner especially when the other person has no idea that these things are hanging in the air.

  3. As a switch, I find I do the “improv” quite a bit, reacting to cues the bottom gives me about what he wants mixed in with what I want at that moment. It’s easier as a top because I’m going on the assumption that they will do what I tell them (with some rare exceptions; one guy actually sent me a script he wanted me to follow…). As a bottom, I agree with Rad, it’s a case of going with the flow. There are times you can’t do that, though, when someone starts going where you didn’t agree to go.

  4. radagast Says:

    sandy: Miscommunication happens and there are people who probably take more liberties than they should but those are examples where the dynamic between the two players breaks down completely.

  5. Talking beforehand is always good…I agree with what everyone is saying and especially with what Dolly said about submitting…in a scene…when I feel that slip inside of my head that goes into submission…then I know that I am in the right head space. I still have to say I am not always sure what does that for me. But improv is a good word…I think both people have to be in it together working at it…I know what doesn’t work is when either the Top or myself (admittedly this has happened) minds wander on to other things.

    I hate when that happens.

  6. radagast Says:

    I can admit that I’ve never tried spanking and solving a Sudoku puzzle at the same time – I think it would be too distracting.

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