Somebody Say Something!

There are people right now standing around staring at each other as precious spanking time ticks away.

I come from a life-long history of extremely debilitating shyness – a markedly different person than the one called “Rad” now. I’ve said it a million times and I will say it a million more but my decision to come out into the spanking scene was the catalyst for finally putting to rest the demons that kept me from reaching out all those years. When I see people at parties or at the club and they’re shuffling around in a kind of daze, I really want to tell them to snap out of it.

Simply put, being a successful person in the scene is all about taking chances and shaking off negative thoughts. I’ve slowly inched my way forward over the past few years and have finally reached the point where I feel comfortable not just meeting people but relaxed enough to ask them to play and confident that I can play well. I realize that people will like me because they see that I like them, want to be friends with them and respect them enough to not just want to spank or talk about spanking but to have a human conversation because I enjoy their company. Anything else that comes of it is mere icing on an otherwise delicious cake.

Also, I don’t have to be afraid of rejection any more. A lot of people harbor this fear because it was so ingrained on us during our high school years. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt when we were rejected, just that the perspective of a 16 year old is not very trustworthy considering the fact that he or she thinks everything is an earth-shattering tragedy at that age. We grow older and we remember the “tragedy” not that it probably didn’t really matter. And that’s the mantra you should repeat: It doesn’t matter. If someone rejects me or simply says “no”, I can’t look at it as if that one person is the be-all and end-all of things because neither am I. If someone says “no” to me, there’s only one response, “so what”.

I will admit to one selfish reason for wanting people to engage each other more. Any spanking scene related thing is infinitely more fun when people are actively seeking a good time.

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10 Responses to “Somebody Say Something!”

  1. At the recent party we attended, I did not play for the first two hours. Partly because there were a bunch of us just enjoying talk and snacks. Partly because I’m tired of asking and want to be asked! I know I’m an extrovert, which is putting it mildly. I enjoyed those hours, and certainly played plenty afterwards (even have a rain check or two). It is like a school dance, where everyone has to be there a while and get comfortable before things get started. Once they do, look out! Everyone gets in on the fun, and it goes until people are too pooped to pop.

    But I would have preferred to start earlier so we could leave earlier, relieve the baby sitter (who we pay hourly), and then enjoy some other adult time with my husband.

    As it was, I figured who I’d probably play with first, got off a sofa, and went to stand by him to make it easier for him to ask me. I knew he wanted to and he knew I wanted to. It was just a question of timing.

    One friend we all have, Brad, tends to just jump in with both feet. He too enjoys socializing, but he can do that and spank well too!

    Next time, I’ll just have to make it easier, sooner, for someone to ask me (unless I decide to Top, in which case I’ll try to figure out the right time, then go for it).

  2. radagast Says:

    I think the sitting and talking are part of the scene and a fun part of any party. It’s when I see people not trying and then complaining – that’s when I write rants like the one in this article.

  3. Part of Joel’s and my favorite moments at last year’s SL was sitting in our room with all of you and just chatting. Playing is great but time with friends is so much more .. well.. precious.

  4. radagast Says:

    Laura: You’re right, of course. It’s too bad there isn’t a central place in that hotel for all the spankos to meet and just hang out – sort of a chat room except with real live people actually chatting. I think most folks would have a lot more success at SL (or any party) if they were able to get to know each other better as people.

  5. I really enjoy the talking too. It helps build the trust for the spanking later. Getting to know so many wonderful people has meant a great deal to me.

  6. radagast Says:

    Lynn: It’s nice to know that your fellow spankos are not just about one thing and one thing only (even if that “one thing” is pretty important at a spanking event).

  7. Right Rad. I think sometimes, especially for some tops, they feel they have to justify the cost of the price of the trip with maximum play. It’s funny that they never realize that building relationships is a huge part of playing.

  8. radagast Says:

    Laura: If these Tops are able to do that then more power to ’em but it’s not my idea of fun to go scene hopping rather than having fewer, more significant sessions.

  9. Sometimes it’s a fine line – I can’t tell if they want to play or not. That’s why I like it when I’m talking with a Top and he asks “so, would you like to play?” Most of the time when that happens, I’m so ready. I need to get better at just being me and asking someone I find interesting if THEY want to play. The worst they can say is “no thank you”…right?

  10. radagast Says:

    Susan: Yes, the chance always exists that they might say “no thank you” and hopefully nothing ruder. If they are rude, then the scene will quickly weed them out.

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