No Need To Prove Myself To Anyone

I admit that I discovered a certain exhibitionist streak in me very early on in my scene life. I sometimes like to put on a bit of a “performance” especially when I’m playing with my wife in a public setting like Paddles or at a big party. But that’s where the performance ends.

I see tops all the time. I’m friends with lots of tops from all over. I like them and they like me. However, the thing that I had to get over quickly was the idea that I was in some sort of a competition with them. Sure, people are competitive – it’s in our nature to be that way. And, yes, there occasionally is the little pang inside me when I see a particularly aggressive top at a party or the club which makes me want to ramp it up a bit – I’ll be honest about that. Not proud of it and it’s something I do my damnedest to control.

The one way that I absolutely refuse to be is competitive when it comes to what I do and how I do it. I spank a certain way, strap a certain way, cane a certain way and scold a certain way (among many things) – I really don’t give a damn how anyone else does it. On occasion, I’ll see someone do something a certain way and I’ll say, “Hey, that’s a good idea. I think I’ll steal it” and I do. But I’m not going to let myself get jealous because some guy is a better flogger than I am or a better caner than I am or a better anything than I am. He might be all of those things but mostly he’s just different than I am in all those respects.

My wife plays with other people and I think that’s great – I play with other people, too. The fact that she might play with someone who’s more of a Dom than I am means shit to me. I’m not so devoid of self-worth that I think his skill diminishes me in any way and certainly doesn’t as far as Sandy is concerned.

I’m more concerned with people liking me for me than worrying where I fit in some mythical pecking order.

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4 Responses to “No Need To Prove Myself To Anyone”

  1. We do, Rad, trust me, we do.

  2. radagast Says:

    Equally important is the fact that I do as well. It’s very important to like oneself (in a healthy way, of course).

  3. And Rad you do a great job at what you do :)! Your self-confidence does mean a lot to making you good at what you do!

  4. radagast Says:

    Being in the scene has given me a lot of self-confidence that I lacked earlier in my life.

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