Pinch Me

Maybe I’ll eventually get used to it, maybe not, but the spanking scene often makes me feel like I’ve stepped out of my own world into an alternate reality. It’s not what you’re thinking.

When I was growing up and then into my adulthood, I was always the guy who had acquaintances more than real friends. Other people found me funny and amusing to have around but I was never the person invited to a party or picked for a team. It just didn’t happen. When I got into high school, I also had a lot of trouble getting girls to notice me as anything other than that “weird kid” who doesn’t really know how to dress or how to interact like anything except a painfully shy person.

I became a rather bitter and angry guy in my 20s. It was tough to find companionship or even get a date. I felt women did not notice me at all and the only conclusion I could reach was that I was a below average person all the way around – someone who does not get noticed when he walks down the street.

Flash forward to my “coming out” into the spanking world. I’m not going to worry about whether this sounds conceited or not but I quickly realized that women were noticing me. Quite frankly, I was amazed. When I exchanged the very first emails and IMs with Sandy, she made me feel attractive and wanted. I know that attraction should go deeper than that and it does but it’s nice to feel that members of the opposite sex think you’re OK looking.

As the years have gone on and I’ve gotten more and more comfortable with my place in the community, I continue to be astonished that this weird, shy kid continues to be treated like he’s something special. I don’t know what to think about this alternate world I find myself in except to think that I’ve gotten more lucky than I could have ever imagined possible.


10 Responses to “Pinch Me”

  1. It comes as no surprise to me! You really are a fabulous individual and I’m happy you are finally realizing it.

    Take care,

  2. radagast Says:

    If you keep making comments like this I will have to hire you as a professional commenter.

  3. Know what? I had those same feelings when I “came out”. I never felt comfortable in the “vanilla” world. I always felt as though something more was expected of me. In “our” world, I feel like I’m accepted for who and what I am – and I REALLY like that feeling.

    You are, as Lynn so aptly put it, a “fabulous individual”. I am very glad that we (finally) decided to talk to one another last year, and I consider you one of my favorite people…and not just for play! (I love talking to people with good vocabularies – and you and Sandy are AWESOME in that respect!)

  4. radagast Says:

    Thanks for the compliment although sometimes the New Yorker comes out of me and I let out a string of expletives and “ain’ts”.

  5. SO???? New Yawkers are really cool! And tell me, do the expletives come out when you are really stressed and just can’t control yourself????

    Hmmmmm…just wondering.

  6. radagast Says:

    No, they just come out naturally and for my own enjoyment.

  7. I know exactly what you mean, Rad. I’ve felt that way MANY times, and that’s one reason I love the spanking parties — I feel accepted.

  8. radagast Says:

    Very true, sandy. I’m sure a lot of people who feel “invisible” in the vanilla world feel better about themselves in the spanking community – probably because they can be themselves without hiding any aspect of their personalities.

  9. The spanking scene is much smaller, more intimate, than the vanilla world. Yet I think it attracts a disproportionate percentage of people with “issues.” So obviously, someone as amazing as you or Sandy would be noticed and loved for the incredible people you are, as opposed to having to stand out among 5 billion other humans. Very few stand out in those regards, and when they do it is because they became president, or killed and ate someone, or wrote the Nutcracker Suite.

    We have to love that lovin’ feeling!

  10. radagast Says:

    If only I could eat someone while writing a ballet – that would be something special.

    Seriously, I think everyone has issues, it’s just that some people deal with them differently than others. I could talk about all my issues but I would need a whole other blog for that.

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