Reaching Out & Keeping In Touch

The hardest thing for me to do sometimes is to email or IM people in the scene especially people of the opposite sex.

Usually it’s one of two reasons or a combination of them:

  • I have a phobia about being seen as bothering or annoying people.
  • I have a phobia about being seen as a player or letch or somehow unfaithful to my wife.

When I do build up the courage to contact people, the slightest thing makes me question whether it was the correct thing or not. For example, I’m in the midst of back and forth email conversation when suddenly the other person takes a little longer to reply than they have. The two phobias rear their heads. I start reading their previous reply looking for “clues” about whether they were trying to end the conversation or not. I read between lines. Does “looking forward to seeing you again” mean they were ending the conversation for now? Should I not have kept it going? Did I say something wrong? Etcetera ad nauseum.

One of the ways I’ve been attempting to slowly break the neurotic habits outlined above is to look at my communication as having a value on its own. I’m not a nobody and my emails, IMs, chats and friendship are worth something. If someone else does not care for any of those things, it’s on them to articulate that to me in some manner. It doesn’t benefit me to be a mindreader and immediately think that the person on the other end has some sort of issue with me.

Having friends is better than having none and is most true within the spanking scene. Having a wider circle of friends makes it less nerve wracking to go to a big party because you know you’ll often see at least a few people you know there. It takes effort and I can’t force anyone to like me or to want to communicate with me on a regular basis. All I can do is reach out to people and simply let me be me.

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6 Responses to “Reaching Out & Keeping In Touch”

  1. I share your phobias. Sadly, I think they’re more common than we think, yet I also have this feeling inside that they’re very uncommon and I’m all alone…although, that may be a phobia in itself…

  2. radagast Says:

    I think any feelings we have that we’re “alone” are probably neuroses of some kind. It’s important to know that the way anyone feels is probably reflected in millions of people out there; the fact that we spankos can find each other is testament to that.

    That said, I’ve been trying very hard in recent months to get myself “out there” and widen my circle of friends and acquaintances.

  3. I have those feelings as well! My hubby isn’t in the scene, and I am able to participate because I have his blessing…but I worry about how I will be perceived – will a wife think I’m “coming on” to her husband if I play with him or email him? Will a guy think I’m looking for more than spanking because I’m out and about without my husband? I especially worry about emails…I try to answer them as soon as I read them, but sometimes I’m at work and can’t, and I worry that the person will think me rude. Ya know what? Sometimes I think that we can think too much!

  4. radagast Says:

    I agree that I think way too much about almost everything. It’s neurotic. However, I’ve come to realize those thoughts should not hold me back from being friendly and having friends. I am getting much better at communicating sans neuroses.

  5. swfloridabrat Says:

    I also tend to overanalyze things like that…and also wonder sometimes about the “appropriateness” of the exchanges…but realize we are all adults and answerable to ourselves. FBG just told me about your blog-very interesting! Thanks

  6. swflbrat: Thanks for dropping by. Hope you stay and comment as much as you like.

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